Development of a Philosophy: Part 4 (Erifia Apoc)

Tusken children ran by me, they were playing with refuse dolls, and they were so happy, they were laughing (or the tusken equivalent) and I knew how old they were, not old at all, probably around eight.

I pulled my knees up close to me and I sobbed in them.

Those children wouldn’t exist; none of them, if I had pulled the trigger so long ago. If I had followed the Jedi-Code then this whole colony would have died. I didn’t understand. I was right, but no-one believed me. The code needs to be changed.

I could never convince anyone of that. Obi-Wan was in shock when I told him I was going to change it. The council would never hear of it. Jedi tradition is wrong. It all needed to be changed.

I began to vocalize my sorrow, and it wasn’t even like I meant to, it just was so upsetting that these people were held in the palm of my hand, and if I had followed orders they would all be dead.

A young tusken girl walked up to me, very confused as to what I was, and wondering if I would hurt her, but she came up to me anyway, and she knelt down next to me, and she offered me her dolly. The one toy she probably owns and she offered it to me.

I turned to her, tears streaking down my face, and she pushed it towards me. I smiled at her, as best I could, and I gently picked up the dolly and held it tight to me, squeezing it.

I nodded to her, I know she didn’t know common and I couldn’t speak Tusken, just understand it, I held my hand on my heart, and I handed the doll back to her. She moved forward and she wrapped one arm around me, and hugged me softly, afraid of me.

I slowly moved my hand, and squeezed hers softly. She pantomimed wiping her eyes, and she pointed at me. I nodded and forced a smile. She didn’t know she had just made me want to cry so much more.

I curled up into the fetal position and hid my sobs and my face from the world around me. These people were simple, and misunderstood, and I was going to kill them because of the code.

I heard from behind, “The Young don’t realize what you have done for this colony, Moon-Ray.”

I turned up to him, and I nodded, “I don’t want them to.”

He spoke again, “But I do, and I cannot offer the Sun to repay you.”

“I wouldn’t ask you to.”

“Even if I want to?”

“Even if you want to.”

He spoke again, “Can I offer you my son?”

“NO!” I said quicker and harsher then I intended, “Never… Please don’t say that again. You should enjoy every moment of that child.”

“What about the tiny sun?”

I didn’t know what he was talking about. He took me towards a small hut, and he opened the door, and he opened a bantha-hide bag, and he withdrew yellow-saber-refracting-crystals and I looked at him, “I cannot, I mean… If I accept these…”

“They mean nothing to us, they are not water, they are not sun, they are not clay, they are nothing.”

I nodded, and he put them back in the bag, and handed it to me. I knelt before him, and he bid me rise, “Moon-Ray, is your faith restored?”

“I hope so, I will be back, soon… I will have something I need you to keep here.”

If you’ll excuse me, I need to go back to Coruscant, I have something I need to make,

Hugs and Kisses,
Erifia Apoc