Wednesday, September 13, 2006

A Date With Hudson (I had it coming)

I, The author of Erifia’s Blog, hereby give my permission to interrupt the suspense and drama going on in her life for a long awaited date with Hudson.

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(See it from Hudson's Flawed Perception.)

Oh force help me, a date with Hudson. I had won a date with him on LGS as part of my prize, and likewise, I won a sill contest from a silly hutt. I was dreading it. I had heard but thank the force not had been victum to his negative actions towards women.

To get myself ready I put on my long black dress. I didn’t want him to see more flesh than he had to. I did nothing special. I got a shower, but I didn’t put on any perfume or anything. I didn’t want him to get the wrong idea… Because by won a date with him… It was more like, forced at blaster point to go on a date with him.

I decided on Sky City. Its neutral ground at least, and lots of people are there, so if I need help, I can sure procure it. Not that I’d need it, save Jon asked me not to hurt him. Frankly, he wasn’t going to get anything, even if he was sweet.

When I landed, I walked to security, and they looked at me, and looked me over, and said… “Where could you possibly have any weapons?”

I smiled, “I don’t carry weapons, I’m a dancer girl.”

They opened the gate, and let me pass.

So… I had made arrangements to meet him at The Golden Nugget. The restaurant was basically a poorly run family restaurant. I leaned against the wall. I saw him. I was fairly obvious. I watched him, as he walked up to a twi’lek dancing girl, and he walked up grabbed her hand, and licked it and said, “My name if Private Bill Hudson, but you can call me Private McDreamy.” I’m glad he used the worst pick up line on her. I wouldn’t have to put up with it then.

She slapped him, and said, “Get away from me creep.”

“What? You’re not Erifia?” He asked, No, of course not dummy. She’s bright sky blue.

“Double ew… No get lost or I’m calling security!” Oh really?! Double Eww on me? You and I are going to war.

“Hey, Hudson. I’m right here.”

He turned around to me, and looked with big doofy dreamy eyes… Now I am not a person to judge on looks by any stretch of the imagination, I don’t mind what a person looks like at all. But He could have at least worn clean clothes, and brushed his hair… Or, if they were the clean clothes, and he had brushed his hair… He needs to be hit up by Jawa Eye for the Human Guy.

I nodded.

He then walked up to me, and started some human mating ritual dance of some sort. He kept trying to hug me or something, back and fourth… Then finally, taking the initiative I grabbed his hand and shook it vigorously.

“I’m Private Hudson, but uh…” He was staring at my cleavage, “I uh… Call me William… Willie… er Bill…”

It was almost sweet how nervous he was, so I responded in a friendly way, “Bill, I like that name… You look very… uhm… Nice in your… Uhm… Suit?”

“Oh yeah!” he responded, “You look hot too… I like those two things you got there… Do they bounce up and down when you run?”

Okay. Nice Erifia just went out the window!


“The head tail thingies, do they bounce around and stuff or do you have a big hate for them or something?”

“Yeah,” I said shortly, “They are my lekku. My race usually has two, but I’ve got three.” I wanted to knock him out. I wanted to cut him in two.

“Oh, I like three…” he said I could see his mind turning with ideas, “Its like you have one for each hand or something, plus one extra…”

When a dog wants to bite, it bears its teeth, so did I with my smile. He had some sick ideas. I could see them… I could hear them bouncing off his brain like bowling balls waiting to get out. He walked up to the host of the empty restaurant, and ignorantly handed him a five. For his ignorance, the host put us by the doors.

I sighed, and munched on a piece of white bread. The waitress walked over, and he said, “We’ll have a box of your cheapest wine, this year so it’s cheaper then normal.”

“We will also have oysters, Double size plates,” He was making up for the wine I guess.

I gave him a fake smile, and he smiled back.

He squeezed the wine out of the box, and proposed a toast, “Here’s to good friends,” he said, “Tonight is kind of special…”

“Ha!” I said out loud.

The plates were brought, and he like, shoved the whole thing in his mouth, and chewed on the shell to. Wow… wow…

“You know what it means when you eat theses don’t you?” He asked.

I shook my head, I knew what was coming next, An aphrodisiac

“It means you can eat anything!” He responded, “You shoulda seen some of the stuff I’ve eaten in the corps. Onetime, Corporal Hicks had this Orwellian bloodworm on a plate, and he ordered me to eat it, and so I did because he’s a superior and he gave me a lawful order. So I ate it and it was totally cool. Nothing happened or anything except it felt like fire when I pee—er, nothing happened.”

Somehow, in true slob style, he had something attached to his cheek. I watched as it moved with his cheek. I couldn’t take my eyes off of it.

All dinner, I ate gingerly and stared at it. Wow… how was it on there so long. Even with the sweat pouring off of him it didn’t fall.

After dinner, he grabbed my wrist and pulled me to the dance floor. I knew this was going to end badly. He had shown no coordination for dancing and when we started, I noticed that he was standing on my feet. If I didn’t have an overdeveloped tolerance for pain, I’ve have cried.

He tugged me from the restaurant. He was treating me like a dog. I followed. I had to. Jaba and Jon would have all of their henchman and monkey boys after me with guns. He dragged me along the strip, and he kept pointing at himself and trying to get guys to high five him.

“Oh look! A Tattoo Parlor!” He pointed and smiled, “Maybe you could get ‘I heart Hudson’ tattooed on one of your legos.”

“Are you dumb? I couldn’t mar my body like that!”

“Just kidding,” he elbowed my ribs. Ouch…

“Oh look! A massage parlor!” He pointed at the next shop, “I wonder if we could get a massage with one of those happy ending, you know? You know what a happy ending is?”

“No…” Oh my force… Oh my force… He couldn’t… No… No……….. “You couldn’t possibly mean?”

“Ice Cream…” There was an ice cream parlor right next to the massage parlor, “I can’t think of anything that would make me happier than a big scoop of chocolate after a nice massage!”

What kind of a freaky strip was this?

“Uh… Let’s just go for the ice cream.”

So I walked up, and I got vanilla ice cream. The classic is always the best. He got chocolate with sprinkles. He then walked me back to my ship.

“I had a really great time tonight,” he said.

“I guess it wasn’t terrible,” I replied.

He then leaned into kiss me, “No.” I said, “Never ever on a first date…”

I’m sure he thought that meant a second date…

So he leaned forward and then launched himself at me. He attempted to make it look like he tripped, but he didn’t. He grabbed my chest. I kicked him in the groin, and shoved him to the ground. I entered my ship and took off… He’ll be sorry tomorrow.

If you’ll excuse me, I need a shower,

Maybe a hug, but never a kiss,
Erifia Apoc


Note from the Author:
Also: Thursday, September 13, 2006, From 2 – 4 pm est. I will be controlling the airways, and this week, I’ve chosen Jon, Intergalatic Gladiator as my blogger of the week.


Blogger Private Hudson said...

OWWWW! I told you it was an accident.

6:28 AM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Hey cool, thanks for choosing me.

6:42 AM  
Blogger Darth Nepharia said...

Hudson is so totally clueless, I almost feel sorry for him.....almost. We use to call these 'mercy' dates. :D

7:05 AM  
Blogger Jabafatboy said...

So Hudson WAS on his BEST behavior during the date .

Im so proud that it went so well.

He has been known to be really rude !

8:29 AM  
Blogger Jean-Luc Picard said...

There didn't seem too much romance there.

1:45 PM  

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