To the Grave

(My Ego-centrism has worn off, read a different perspective here.)

“Please, don’t make me go,” I said to Barriss… We were at the base of sea overhang, I looked up, and turned away quickly, trying to walk past Barriss.

“But you have to,” she said stepping in front of me.

I turned and looked up the hill; there were too many bad memories at the top. I couldn’t go. I could not… I began to shake. I took a very shaky step forwards.

She put her hand on my shoulder, and said softly and calmly, “I’m here for you now, just like I was that day. You must face it or it will destroy you.”

“I know…”

I began to walk up the hill, each step getting harder and harder. I could see it. At the very top, at the overlook. My sobs began to take my breath away… Tears streaked from my eyes as I took the next step, my legs became week, it was even closer, this was the closest I had ever been, “Barriss,” I said as I became wobbly.

She gave me a hug, it was not often I ever received a hug, and this one calmed me down, it was very odd how much it did, “It’s okay, I’m here with you.”

I took a few more sturdy steps forward. Memories, one I repressed for so long, came back, filling my head, but I ran forward, I had to make it. I had to make it there before I collapsed. I fell only steps before his grave my knees giving out from the weight of my anger, hatred and sorrow.

I reached out and ran my fingers along the lettering, ‘Jedi Master Gerith Gwin, Friend, Master and Father.’ I began to cry, “Barriss… Its all my fault…”

She put her hand on my shoulder again, it felt nice to have someone with me, “No, Erifia, it’s not your fault. Each life and each death is all part of the force…” I felt her tears hit my shoulder.

“I was too weak,” I said, “I couldn’t fight off the infection… I didn’t know…”

The painful memories flooded from my eyes, “He was my friend, he was my master, and he was the only family I ever had…” I gulped choking back my voice…

“You were not weak, Erifia,” she said, as she wiped away my un-ending tears, “At the time, you were not trained as a healer,” she hugged me again, I calmed a little, “I’ve always thought of you as a sister.”

I turned away from it, and I wrapped my arms around Barriss and hugged her as tightly as I could, “But… But…” I began to sob on her shoulder, “But my body gave up, its all my fault, I killed my master…”

My arms became weak, I began to slide back down to my knees, and I buried my face in my hands.

“Oh Erifia,” she said as she sat next to me, “Your body may have given up, but you are not at fault for his death nor did you kill him.”

“But, he could have blocked,” Erifia had relapsed, “I threw it at Aayla… I did, she was there… He… He… Its not my fault… Its Aayla’s fault… She made me sick… She cut me… I didn’t see him… I saw her… And…”

Erifia began to hyperventilate, “I… It wasn’t my fault… I… My… She was there… Barriss, you believe me, I threw it at Aayla… You believe me right?”

“Yes, Erifia I do believe you,” she said.

It shocked me into waking, “You believe me?” I asked, “Actually believe me?” She was rubbing my back, and I hadn’t even noticed.

She looked me in the eyes, and with whole truth contained there-in spoke, “Yes, Erifia, I do believe you.”

“But I did do it… didn’t I?” I asked, “I did kill him. He has to hate me too…”

“No Erifia, you didn’t kill him,” she stated, “He could never hate you, he was your master…”

“But I threw my saber, and even if I thought it was Aayla, it hit him…” I said, trying to come at terms, and find a way to stop blaming myself, “Accident?” I asked, making sure that was an okay conclusion.

“Yes, Erifia it was an accident,” Barriss said, “But what happened here was more than just accident, it was the will of the force.”

“Yes…” I said, “I think it was… Thank you, so much. You’ve always been there for me, and it must seem like I hate you sometimes, I’m sorry, you’re my closest friend.”

“You’re welcome Erifia. It’s alright, I let your hate roll off my back because I knew that you needed me,” she said.

“I do care for you, and I care for you a lot. I’m sorry, I understand I am pretty impossible to deal with,” I smiled, for the first time in forever, “Do you think he would be proud of me?”

“And I care for you. There’s no need to be sorry for grief, it’s natural,” she said with a smile, and she looked me in the eyes, “Yes, I do feel that he’d be very proud of you.”

I sighed and leaned backwards. I dropped two sabers from my lekkus, the two I had claimed from that one droid, I placed them on top of his stone, “I hope these two will make up for your one,” I said speaking to the stone as if he was really there, “Its saved me a lot… And…” a subtle tear dropped from my eyes, “Thanks.”

I looked at Barriss, “I think I’m ready to go.”

She took my hand and squeezed it, “Yes lets go.”

“Thanks again, I owe you much. I’ll make up for it one day, I promise… I owe you my life,” I said with a smile, and hugged her, “I’ll give you a ride back to the temple?” I asked.

She gave me another hug and spoke in the caring voice she used when healing her patients, “You’re welcome Erifia, I know you will.” Then she looked worried, and said, “Not the temple, I’m needed else where.”

“Name it, I can take you anywhere as long as its not past Langoria,” I said with a smile, “And a lot quicker than you could imagine.”

She looked worried, “I need to get to a pub called Moe’s on Tatooine,” she said as her voice crackled, “Please do so, I don’t think there is much time.”

I reached back to my lekku, hit a button, and in less than ten seconds, my ship appeared in front of us, “I can have you there in an hour, maybe forty five minutes.”

The door opened, on the old bronze and rusty looking ship, “Its actually like brand new, it was built to look old.” I entered, waiting for her before I leapt to the steering wheel.

“Okay, lets go,” she said. She seemed truly upset.

I sat down at the wheel, and shot through the atmosphere, at a great speed, “Tatooine,” I told the computer, “Computed,” it responded.

“Barriss, to ease your nerve, have a seat and press the green button.”

“Are you sure you want me to push the button?” she asked.

I laughed, evilly I believe the term is, “Yes, trust me, push the green button.” I spoke in the com link, “Becca, make sure my tauntaun is okay, and buckle up.”

“Okay,” she said pressing the button.

The ship kicked in all of its thrusters, and we traveled past hyperspace, stars and meteors looked like lines, and worlds flew by so quickly.

“We’re going to be there a lot faster than I imagined. I always hit the red button before…” I laughed a little to try and lighten the mood.

She looked confused, “Are you sure it was a good idea to press the green button?”

“I’m never sure it’s a good idea to do anything,” I responded, as the slip slowed down, and began to shake violently, “See?” I asked, “We’re here already. Mos Eisley?”

I looked down at Tatooine, it had been awhile.

“Somehow I know that to be true, but not about you,” she said.

I could see she was worried about my raggedety looking ship crashing down to the surface, but I pulled up, and we were inside the atmosphere, “Ship, Moe’s.” The ship piloted itself towards the little pub, I landed it in a nearby ship port, and opened the door.

“You’re in a hurry,” I said, “Let’s go.”

She was coming slowly, she was talking to someone, and so I lead her, the pub was right in front of us. I opened up the door, and looked inside.

“Barriss, come to, who is here, who needs help?”

“Erifia, it’s Anakin who needs his help. But his thoughts are confusing, something about Kirss and missing. I’m not sure.” She said.

Inside the bar, I felt, I found him, he was in one of the back rooms. I walked to it, leading Barriss through a barfight, and then I arrived at the other side, and opened the door, there was Anakin.

If you'll excuse me, I've got to pause to build dramatic tension,

Hugs and Kisses,
Erifia Apoc

Ps. Thanks to Barriss Offee.