Wednesday, September 20, 2006

A Late Night Call, A Plea for Help: Part 6

(See my Savior)
(See from before...)

He made sense.

"How can I feel? How can I feel and no-one else can?" I asked him, "How?"

I looked to Dante, maybe he could answer for me. My eyes had to be pleading. So pleading that it looked as if it would crush me if he didn't answer. But I was sure he probably didn't have the answer I needed.

Dante sounded disappointed in me, "Is that the question you want her to answer? I can guarantee that she can't answer that question for you, She can't answer, because it's not true. There are trillions of beings in this galaxy, and most of them feel something. I think when you say no one else can feel, it's because you think no one feels what you feel, or no one feels as deeply as you feel. Nothing could be further from the truth. If you weren't a Jedi, you would know that." He looked at me… Trying to calm me with his eyes and it worked…

"The rest of us muddle along through life, getting hurt and hurting other people, hating some people and loving others, feeling anger, sadness, joy, ecstasy. I appreciate what the Jedi do for us and for our Republic, but I feel sorry for you, because you defend what you're not allowed to have. You must be the loneliest beings in the galaxy."

I cast my eyes down from him, “I’ve got so much held in here… I want to release it all… My master taught me to allow emotions to flow through me instead of repressing them. It worked for so long… But what he taught me doesn’t work anymore, I’ve now reached the time in my life when I need someone to love…”

I was calmer now. Tears had stopped flowing from my eyes. I felt much better.

I stood and was less than wobbly. I offered my hand to help him up. I wasn’t ready to go, but I felt much better. How had he done that to me so quickly.

He took my hand, and I pulled him back so he stood. I was pondering what he had said that had calmed me down so I could tell him… And then I realized, it wasn’t one thing he had said… It was him. He had calmed me down just by trying to comfort me and trying to tell me everything would be okay…

“Before you look for someone to love, love yourself,” he said, “Don’t beat yourself up so much. Give yourself permission to feel whatever it is you’re feeling. You’ll like yourself more, and when you like yourself, love has a way of finding you.”

I couldn’t help but smile that was corniest thing he said all night. He looked at the window, it was almost dawn.

I laughed a little, and wiped away a free flowing tear…

“Maybe we should do this again sometime,” I joked, “Next time I’ll be the loving mother, and you can be the helpless child…”

“I’m sorry I woke you up and stayed so long Dante… You have no idea how much you helped me…”
I took several uneasy steps and gave him a tight hug, “Thank you,” I whispered in his ear, “So much…”

“Anytime,” He said hugging me back, “And somewhere down the road I will take you up on your offer, so I hope you mean it…” He said.

I walked towards the door… Maybe if she leaves you, I can be your love

If you’ll excuse me, I feel a little better,

Here are your hugs and kisses back,
Erifia Apoc


Blogger Skywalker said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

12:36 PM  
Blogger Skywalker said...

Are you going to all right now or do we still need to hit nearest bar and just get really wasted?

12:37 PM  
Blogger Jean-Luc Picard said...

How sweet, Erifia.

2:27 PM  
Blogger Darth Nepharia said...

Here's to feeling better! (downs shot of corellian whisky)

5:04 PM  
Blogger Barriss Offee said...

It's good to see one of us is back to feeling better.

7:58 PM  
Blogger Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...

What is it with Force users and alcohol? No wonder you all have so many issues, you never deal with them, you just drink and ignore them. Sheesh!

Glad to see that you're feeling better, Erifia. But don't hold your breath for Dante and I to break up any time soon. I'll keep my eye for an nice guy for you. Ever thought of dating one of the clone troopers? They are wonderful guys.

8:51 PM  
Blogger Erifia Apoc said...

I would have to cut his cheek or something to pick him out from the others...

10:23 PM  
Blogger Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...

Actually, I've been told by Jedi that bother to look that each clone is a unquie being in the force, each has their own force signature, just like other beings in the galaxy. And I can tell my guys apart, they have slightly different mannerisms. You just have to pay attention and you'll see them.

11:10 PM  

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