Saturday, April 15, 2006

Home Again, Home Again; Showdown with the Waitress

I'm on Ryloth. My father hates me. I hate my father. But I love my mother whom I never met before. I have a Tauntaun named Tatooine. As of now, I am rich, and I'm a jedi twi'lek, who is NOT Aayla Secura. Now you know my story up to now.

To get away from my father, and the troubles of my life, I decided to go and eat at an all you can eat buffet. For a twi'lek, I can really pack it down, let me tell you.

I sat, and the waitress asked what I would like to drink. A Koke, I tell her. She brings me a koke, and I go and get a plate. I sit down, and clean the plate, and drink half of my koke, she comes over and gets the plate, and asked if I want a refill.

"No. I do not."

She's a smart one, this waitress. Everyone knows for every time the waitress gets you a refill, her tip goes up. Lets say you order $100 credits worth of food. At normal tipping rate that is 15%, so it is $15 credits. Now, everytime she brings you a drink, you should in theory add $1 credit to the tip. So after the first refill, the tip goes to 16% which is $16 credits. So that's $116 credits for a meal, and a refill. So when you have a waitress who really wants credits, she will be back and fourth refilling your drink. I've heard of one horrible occasion where the tip was actually more than the actual meal!

So I went and got another plate, and I sat down and ate it. Thirsty afterwards I drink the rest of my koke. She comes right over, takes my plate and asks if I want a refill.


"But your glass is empty."

"No, there is ice in it."


"No, thank you. I am not thirsty right now."

Now my dinner only came to $16 credits, actually $16.27 credits, Ryloth tax included which leaves her tip at $2.44 credits, as soon as she gets me a refill, which both her and I know, it goes to $2.60 credits, if I want a third, it goes up to $2.76 credits, so on, and so fourth.

So I stand and get another plate. I was dumb, and I grabbed some salty meat, and when I ate I was thirsty afterwards. I looked at my ice, which was scarcely melting at all.

I drank the few sweet drops, and there was the waitress when I put my cup down.

"Would you like a refill?"

"NO!" I screamed.

I went and got another plate, and ate, and was thirsty afterwards, I took a few drops from the cup.



I ran and got another plate, fruit this time, and I ate it, and standing there when I was done.

"Refill on your koke?"

"Get away!"

I went and got another plate, and ate quickly....


"No. N-O, No. Absolutely not, in this universe or any other, in any dimension, 2-d, 3-d, or even the obtuse possibility of 4-d. Not in Heaven or in Hell, Not on any planet in this galaxy do I want a refill."

I went and got ice-cream, it was hard to move, when I sat down, and finished the ice cream, there she was.


I was beginning to wonder if it was worth the trouble. Was .16 credits worth this agrivation?

"No, I will be paying now."

She brought me my check, and I signed off to remove $16.27 from my account, and I left the waitress a $3 credit tip. If she had been more persistant, and actually taken the cup from me, it would have been more. But she certainly was annoying enough to earn the extra .56 credits.

If you'll excuse me, I have to waddle to my room,

Hugs and kisses,
Erifia Apoc


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