My best birthday?

I hate today. Today is the day my mother died. Of all days, this day is the one that upsets me the most. I’ve been trying to keep myself busy, but it hasn’t helped. Today is the day I was born. Today was the day I killed my mother.

Today is the day the drama filled life of mine started, and today is the day that comes once a year and proceeds to make fun of me, saying, “Here is another year… Good luck with the next one.”

I am turning 25, today. It may not seem important, but to me it is. Because this marks one quarter of a hundred years of pain and torment. Tonight at 9:36, my mother gave her life to secure mine. I should look at it as my mother loved me so much she gave her own life so that I could live mine.

No… Its not that way at all. My mother died a pointless death for a worthless cause. What have I done? What have I done that has helped anyone?

I woke to Becca and Tatooine singing Happy Birthday to me. They had baked a cake, and it was unnecessarily bright. I forced a smile and blew out the candles. I wished my mother was here.

Becca and Tatooine both gave me a gift.

“Open it!” Becca shouted at me. When I did open it, it was a new dancer outfit. With new lekkus wrappings.

“Thank you Rebecca,” I said with a soft smile. My mind was so filled with guilt, doubt and sarrow, that I couldn’t express my true happiness in the thoughtfulness of Becca’s efforts.

She took a step back… I knew why. I had never called her Rebecca before. Tatooine then pushed a gift forward with his nose, I opened it. It was a bubblebubkin. Not his. But another brand new one. I smiled softly. I rubbed his head.

“Thank you both… But I need to be alone right now. Okay?”

“Mommy?” Tatooine asked as he nuzzled my arm.

Becca sat next to me, and she gave me a tight hug. “I don’t know what to say…”

I released it all. I had been holding it for so long… Tears flowed through my eyes, and sobs escaped my lips. I began to cry as my mouth frowned to a point of pain. The heat filled my face and the tears streaked down my cheeks.

I hugged Becca because she was the closest thing to me, and when I did Tatooine leapt up on the bed. It was clear I had upset them, even through my burning tears, I saw them crying. Were the scared since I had broken? Were they sad because I was sad?

I released it all, speaking all my woes in tears, and releasing the problems in my life in the form of sobs. All understandable. All of them escaping my lips like a dam had been broken open.

It felt good afterwards. When I had expended all of my emotion and energy into that one cry, I felt, happy? I fell asleep sometime. I don’t quite know when, but it was a sleep I gladly accepted.

When I woke I was alone in my room. I was smiling. Me, happy. Wow. I looked in the mirror, was I a brighter shade of indigo? I undid my lekku wrappings, and I put Becca’s gift on, and I strapped Tatooine’s gift, to my lekkus with my weapons.

When I exited my room, I had received several cards. They were sitting on the table. Kriss had sent me the negatives of a picture she took with the torn up originals. Ani thought it would be nice to send me a bottle of Klingon Blood Wine. Barriss Offee sent me something I marveled at. It was a decrative leg band; It was black, and it was had tribal designs from Ryloth on it. I put it on, and I liked it. There was some feeling to it.

Jaba had sent me a keg of Huttbeer. I thought it was thoughtful of him. I received a gift card to Fredricks of Coruscant from Jardena. Typho had sent me a small round object. I looked at it. It was electronic of some sort. Tak sent me a piece of paper with a black dot on it.

There were several knocks on my ships door. I opened it, and I felt two hands grab my wrist. I was being dragged somewhere by someone I didn’t know. Or Someone I couldn’t see.

They threw me onto a ship, and blindfolded me. I kept trying to fight out of it, but I couldn’t use my arms and legs to kick. It was if I was being subdued by some other way. Needless to say I was scared, and I couldn’t escape.

Finally after maybe an hour of sitting in dread terror, the two men came and grabbed me. They dragged me through a door, and then they undid my blindfold, I leapt up, with sabers extended. It was Professor X and Captain Picard.

Wasn’t today his 300th something? He took time to kidnap me and take me to some bar. That’s so sweet of him. I shut off the saber, and I smiled and I laughed.

“You guys had me sooo scared!”

Professor X spoke, “We wanted to get you smashed. Your sidekick said you were having a bad day, so we came to remedy it.”

Captain Picard Spoke, “I can only do a couple rounds, then I have to get back the Enterprise.”

A couple rounds went by and Captain invited us to go to the Enterprise for that party. I accepted and I sat at the bar talking with some woman named Guinan. She is cool. Her and I got to talking. She’s a wise woman. By the time the night was over, I was so drunk, I couldn’t even walk, and they put me in guest quarters on the Enterprise.

If you’ll excuse me..

*Yawn* XO…

E. A.