Friday, March 31, 2006

Droid Invasion: Part 2

I'm not dead, surprisngly, I am however sitting in a cell.

After the thousand of droids had me surronded, I tried fighting my way out, well, that failed. After falling from fatigued after killing the first 100 or so they all lept on me.

I've been sitting in this cell, for probably a month or so, they haven't even fed me yet. I can only sing, "Nobody knows the trouble I've seen." So many times before I want to rip my own eyes out.

Day after day went by, no food, no water.

Finally, the door opened, and Grevious walked in...

"Hello Jedi," he said as he led me out in shackles.

He obviously didn't recongize me, I hadn't eaten for a month.

"I hope you weren't mistreated in the *cough cough* two hours you've been in there."

I didn't reply, I knew better.

"Speak, Twi'lek."

"It was only two hours?!"

"*Cough cough wheeze laugh cough wheeze* How long did you think you were in there? A month?"

When I didn't reply, he began to laugh and cough, respectively.

He led me to a large room, and he smiled, we were in space. Escape was obviously not impossible, and the Republic deny my existance, and the Jedi have absolutely no Idea where I am anyway, I had to rely on my own skills... And without a lightsaber, and being shackled... I'm doomed.

It was then, when I saw both of my lightsabers sitting across the room.

"Try it *cough* Jedi, and you'll *Cough* Lose."

If you'll excuse me, I'm going to lose.

Last Hugs and Last Kisses,
Erifia Apoc

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Droid Invasion

What a day I've had.

I was awoken in the morning to this sound "AEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Not only was it people screaming, it was the alarm. Mygeeto was under a wave of Droids. I smiled, time to hunt some droids.

I ran out, and there was absolutely no droids. I looked, long and hard I looked. I ran trying to find them. Nothing. The city I was in had been evacuated.

That was when in the mall I found it. It was nothing more than a simply work droid. It was walking around. It was a droid, so I tossed my white lightsaber, and when it struck it, it exploded. I smiled, and walked over to collect its motherboard. But it didn't have one.

I heard metal reforming sounds... This could not be good.

I turned and there were two of them. I cut into them. They exploded.

It was over... Then. Metal reforming sounds...

There were four of them... I laughed! They were so weak, and there were so many. I just thought of how much money I could acutally get if I let them multiply in the thousands. That's a lot of money.

So I began to hack into them with both of my light sabers. until there were so many of them the mall was filled.

That's when I realized, I had no idea how to handle a thousand of these guys.

They began to move in on me. Thats when they thought it would be funny to pull out their blasters.

I took a deep gulp. This would end badly.

If you'll excuse me, I'm probably going to die.

Last Hugs and Last Kisses,
Erifia Apoc.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Playing with the Lightsaber

I am on Mygeeto. It isn't a very attractive world, this I will admit, but when you get out in the suberbs, and next to a river, and you have a lightsaber and a beam-blaster, let me tell you of the fun you can have. After a few temporary modifications, I made the beam-blaster, more like a harmless laser.

Well, I rode around on a speedbike, and played with the laser, it was one of my lapses into childhood. I shined it at random people walking down the street, they were confused by the laser, and I had to laugh. Then I got down to the river, and shined it on the river, and at random lights, and well, acted like a child.

Thats when the local clone force came, and decided it would be alright to arrest me on the charges of illegal use of a beam-blaster, and lightsaber, disturbing the peace, and being annoying.

"I am not being annoying," I said waving my hand in front of them.

"She's not being annoying," he said to the other officer.

"I am just having a little fun."

"She's just having a little fun."

"You should go and do your job instead of eating donuts, and hastling people who aren't commiting crimes."

"We shouldn't eat donuts for the rest of the night, and go actually catch a criminal."

"Go ahead and move along."

"Move along."

They got in their car, and went away. I've got five words for you, 'I love being a jedi!'

If you'll excuse me, I have to use more of this laser before I have to dismantle it,

Hugs and laser kisses,
Erifia Apoc

Monday, March 27, 2006

Still on Kashykk

After the horror that preceded this entry. I went to Kashykk, and I beat my head off a rock for several hours. Then I decided to see a psychologist. You don't understand, I had to. It was too traumatic for me not to.

I went to a Wookie Psychologist. It was a good idea I think, or I thought... Here is an excerpt from our discussion.

{Indistinguishable Wookie Speech}

"I saw Mual, The Emperor, Grevious and Dooku, having a slumber party."

{Indistinguishable Wookie Speech}

"I know, but I'm a Twi'lek, I had to play truth and dare with them.

{Indistinguishable Wookie Speech}

"Right... So I had too."

{Indistinguishable Wookie Speech}

"You mean besides seeing them all sitting around in pink pajamas and playing Truth and Dare? I don't think anything."

{Indistinguishable Wookie Speech}

"Well, they made me do some stupid dares."

{Indistinguishable Wookie Speech}

"Nah, they weren't that bad."

{Indistinguishable Wookie Speech}

"The Truths... Uhm..."

{Indistinguishable Wookie Speech}

"What do you mean you think you've found what was so disturbing about it?!"

{Indistinguishable Wookie Speech}

I began to stutter, "They... Asked me who I liked at the Jedi temple?"

{Indistinguishable Wookie Speech}


{Indistinguishable Wookie Speech}

"No! He's a disgusting slob! I liked him when he was younger!"

{Indistinguishable Wookie Speech}

"Maybe... I guess..."

I then took a deep breath, what he was saying was making a lot of sense.

"I get it... But please, tell me I'm not crazy when I said it was disturbing before that."

{Indistinguishable Wookie Speech}

"Thank you Doc."

{Indistinguishable Wookie Speech}


{Indistinguishable Wookie Speech}
Then he stood and drew a wookie crossbow.

"Okay... I have the money..."
I gave him the money he asked for, a full month of pay and droid mother board collecting. Let's just say it was not a small amount.

I left, and took a breath of fresh air, thankful that my problem had been solved.

If you'll excuse me, I've got to raid a droid factory so I can make up for this loss,

Hugs and kisses,
Erifia Apoc.

Friday, March 24, 2006

A disturbance in the force

A disturbance in the force... Hmph. More like a distrubance to anyone.

I went back to Genosis, and I decide to call it a day early. I was really tired from the hyperspace jump. I lay down, and I finally fall asleep, and then I hear loud thumps and giggles.

So, I ignore it, and when it countinues I naturally get upset. I want my rest! I rushed up the stair and bang on the door. I am going to make some heads roll, right?

Just wait...

You'll see....

Its frightening...

I was needless to say, Disturbed, Grossed out, and Frightened all at once. They were playing truth and dare.

There are two things to date that disturb me about my race more than anything... The first is, when asked to play truth and dare, we have to. The second is, during truth and dare we have to answer the questions without lying, and do any dare that we are challenged to do.

Now, I'm a smart twi'lek, I know that I couldn't take all four of those guys by myself. So I tried to walk away quickly. It didn't work, Naturally Dooku asked me to join them...

"Yes, of course I'll join you."

Well, at least I was wearing my pajamas and they didn't recongize me.

I knew that I would be fine as long as they didn't ask me two questions, "What do I think of the Jedi?" and "What do you think of the Sith?" Anything else I was fine with.

Over the course of the night, my inhibitions trounced by my race's inability to refuse to do dares and answer truth. Had to kiss a droid, jump out of a three story window, stand on my head for an hour, and call Mace Windu, and pretend that I liked him.

They also asked me who I thought was cute in the Jedi temple... I naturally covered my mouth, and it came out as mumbles, but they had to ask again, and again.

"I like... ... ..."

"Out with it sister!" Cried Maul.

"I like..." I gulped, "Obi-Wan."

"Ewww!!" Cried The Emperor, "Why?"

"I liked him when he was younger, okay?!" I cried.

Grevious shrugged, "I guess I can understand that..."

After the pizza, they were beginning to tire, and finally, after several painful hours, they fell asleep, and I ran. I grabbed my stuff, and ran, and flew back to Kashykk... Never to speak of this incident again, and try and wipe my memory of the whole thing.

I was frightened... The whole ordeal would haunt me for the rest of my days. I know one thing for sure, eventually they are going to find me, and I am going to have to play again.

If you'll excuse me, I am going to go beat my head off of a rock.

I need comforting hugs, and no kisses,
Erifia Apoc

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Top 10 Reasons Twi'Leks work best with Wookies

I like wookies, I do. After you learn their langauge they are amazingly easy to get along with. Besides, we both have an extreme love of destroying droids. They throw some really great parties too.

10. We are not attractive to them, they are not attractive to us.

This is a plus, no distractions on the battlefield.

9. As the are strong and endurant, we are dexterious and fast.

Well rounded troops, able to do nearly anything together.

8. Ryloth Animals Stink, and so do Wookies.

Wookies stink. Its true. So do the animals of Ryloth. We Twi'leks are used to it.

7. Wookies have strange dances.

Many Twi'lek dancers can learn new strange exotic dances from wookies. Such as the, I have an itch on my back dance.

6. Twi'leks like fresh air.

Ever seen Kashykk? Its very beautiful and fresh.

5. Wookies are good with head decorations.

They have soooooo much hair, that they know how to do near about anything as far as styling is concerned. Its nice to have new decorations for lekkus.

4. Board games.

It doesn't make sense as stated, but I will explain. Lets say I don't like someone because everyone confuses that person with me. I can have her challenge a wookie to a board game. Naturally she will win. Then the wookie gets angry and fight breaks out. I would have to laugh, Long and hard.

3. Wookies are Hilarious.

Once you learn their language, pay attention to their battle cries. I'm serious here. Since its very hard to understand them, to make the battle even more enjoyable, they shout things like "I'm wearing women's underwear" and "I farted!" and "Your mother was an Acklay." I could go on.

2. After Battle Party.

As stated before, they have some pretty wicked parties. Throw in a couple of Twi'lek dancers, and also some ale. Also the remains of some droids, and we have fireworks, and fuel for bonfires.

And the number one reason...

The best reason of all.

The one you've been waiting for.

1. Twi'leks have no hair (Except for eyebrows)

Its true, we are hairless. It may not make sense, but add a battalion of wookie warriors and several million fleas, and let me tell you, we are the only race that can deal with the fleas, because without hair, they don't want us. Trust me. Twi'leks are the best for working with wookie warriors.

If that's not good enough, imagine yourself covered in fleas...

Pardon me, I have some flea spray to administer...

Hairy Hugs and kisses,
Erifia Apoc

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Some Droid Virus

I was droid hunting on Genosis, or more, Finding poor defenseless Super Battle Droids in dark alley's and making them explode. I was getting a good price. Well one of them, was acting really funny. He had grease bubbling from his mouth.

One of the ultimate questions of the universe was answered, "Can Droids Sneeze?"

Yes. They can.

He sneezed on me. Apparently he had a virus of some sort. So I put him out of his misery, and collected his mother board. For every mother board I turn in, I get 50 credits. Eventually, I plan on retiring on that right?

After being sneezed on by a droid I wanted to get washed off. So I rushed to my shower, and my warm bed and room.

When I woke this morning, my nose was running. I blew it on a tissue cloth. It was black. Ewww... gross. I sneezed and oil blew out of my nose! Ewww! Gross!

How did I catch a virus from a droid? The physics of it sickens me. I can't even begin to imagine. It was a bit of corrupted data, and it transfered from Oil to me. By all accounts, it makes no sense.

I decided to counter attack it with my own senseless reaction to catching a droid virus. I shoved a computer cable up my nose and scanned my body for viruses.

Thankfully Ortan the Genosian Virus Scanner was installed on my computer. It found the virus which had inhabited my middle lekku (One of the things coming out of the back of my head) it destroyed it somehow and after one last oily sneeze I felt much better. I decided rather than go out today. It was time to just lay down and question reality.

So if you'll excuse me, I have a some serious ultimate questions to answer,

Hugs and Oily Kisses,
Erifia Apoc

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

I Am Not Aayla Secura

Okay. I am not Aayla Secura. Don't ask me for my autograph. I'm not her. I look like her. I know. But I'm not her. I have three Lekkus! Look, seriously, there are three of them. (Lekku's are the little things coming out the back of my head.) I'm more violet then her... Kind of an Indigo, and I wear a dancer's outfit, so any Sith won't think I'm a jedi. Yes I have two light sabers. I do, but mine are purple and white! And I use them way better than she does!

My name is Erifia Apoc, and I am a Twi'Lek. A Jedi Twi'Lek. I have a very pessimestic view on life. Very Pessimistic. The universe is going to explode. I know it for a fact, I don't know when, but it will. Another thing. I don't like Clone Soldiers. They unnease me. There's something about soldiers all having the same face... Its really creepy.

Lately I've been scouting outer rim worlds. Why not? Its better than being on the front lines, even though I don't have a clone army for backup... *cough* Mace, Obi-Wan and all you others *Cough* I just have myself, and my sabers. So it is more dangerous and less dangerous in some cases.

Now that you know who I am. And that I am Not! Aayla Secura. I think we will get along just right.

If you'll excuse me, I have a CIS reconasance droid to find and make into scrap metal.

Hugs and Kisses,
Erifia Apoc