“Eh… That’s no big deal. Everyone wants to kill me, why not you too?”

(Read from Her view. She's got one too.)


“Barriss. I cannot teach you more until you are willing to learn. Do you want to hear what I have to say?”

“Yes, I would like to hear what you have to say,” she said softly.

“You have to let yourself feel these things. If you don’t you’ll build up and want to kill everyone you care for. See what’s it done to you? You’ve contained resentment for Lumaniara and now it is hurting you.”

“I don’t know how to let myself feel those things, Erifia,” She laid her head down and began to cry.

“I can teach you,” I said, squeezed her shoulder softly.

“But would you take me on, knowing that I want to kill you,” she asked as she grabbed my hand.

“Eh… That’s no big deal. Everyone wants to kill me, why not you too?”

“No, Master! That’s not the way it should be.” Barriss stated.

“Let’s start with this, I am ordering you to yell at me knight. Hit me if you want. I want you to yell and yell, yell at me about all the things I’ve done to you.”

She looked at me, waiting for me to tell her it was a joke, “I don’t yell much, and why would I yell at you?”

“Because I ordered you to, knight,” I said in an almost demeaning way.

“I’M NOT A KNIGHT! I’M STILL A PADAWAN!” She yelled at me, and she grabbed her padawan braid out, and showed it while yelling, “SEE THIS? UNTIL THE COUNCIL REMOVES THIS, I’M STILL A PADAWAN!”

“Oh, that’s right,” I said trying to edge her on, “You’re just a useless padawan.” My master had done this to me a long time ago.

“EVEN THOUGH I AM A PADAWAN, I’M NOT USELESS,” she yelled at me.

“Prove it, Padawan. Yell at me! Useless jedi. What have you done?” Please Barriss… Break… Break so I don’t have to yell at you anymore.

“I’VE LEARNED TO BE A JEDI HEALER,” she yelled at me.

This wasn’t working, “Yet you hit me? You want to kill me,” I sat up, and I pushed her shoulder. Let it out Barriss. Please, “What kind of a healer are you?” One that has saved my life, twice.

If you'll excuse me, I've got to tick Barriss Off,

Hugs and Kisses,
Erifia Apoc

Interlude: My Date with the Prof.

(Click here to read his Perception)

I paced back and fourth. Why was I so nervous? He's just a man. I took off my twi'lek dancer outfit I wore all the time, and I instead put on a red-velvet dress, because I wanted to look nice, and and I didn't want him to be embarassed by me or overwhelmed, if that was possible.

Becca helped me take off my Tiara and lekku wrappings, She helped me bunch them up, and wrap them in coils, and I guess, bind them into a bun so it looked like my hair was in a bun, except they were my lekkus.

I grabbed the wicked nasty purse, and I put all of my objects into it and closed it up. I didn't need four lightsabers, or two thermals, but what if something went wrong and we needed to fight.

I decided to go to a planet out on the rim of the Milky-Way because my ship is really fast, and uses very little fuel. I wanted to make it as easy as possible for him. So I landed my ship on a galaxy outpost, and I waited, pacing back and fourth. This was driving me crazy.

“Why Erifia, my dear, you look simply stunning!” I turned and saw the professor, he was all decked out in a nice suit. I bowed and spoke, “Why thank you Prof.”

“Please, you must call me Charles,” I didn’t like the idea of calling him Charles. I had known him as Prof. But I listened to him anyway, “Alright.”

We went towards the restaurant and when we arrived, somehow (and don’t ask me how) Prof had already made reservations. We sat down across from each other. I have to say, when you are sitting across from someone who can read your mind as if it was a flyer, you get a little nervous. I felt glad in knowing that instead of just one mind, I indeed had four. Or at least my brain acted as if it were four. Each lekku contained part of a brain with its own set of brain waves, and then my head contained the larger central brain. Only one could be read at a time, if he were to go to that length, and if he did, I would protect my middle lekku with my life.

“Hey Prof…Charles, have you ever been on a date with a different race before?”

He took a sip of his drink and responded, “Actually, I was engaged once to an alien. Her name was lilandra.”

“Oh,” I responded, He’s got a bit of problems with other races, “What happened? Problems with a Long Distance Relationship?”

“No, that wasn’t it. It got a bit complicated because she had obligations to her people as I had to mine. Unfourtunately there came a point when those obligations were in conflict, she was forced to choose,” (He still has some feelings for her) “between her people and me, and she chose her people. A decision I almost completely supported. Now I feel like I’ve been doing the talking. Please tell me what’s been going on in your life since the show.”

I smiled, it was a silly stupid thing of the council to do, but, “Actually, the council made me a Jedi Master. Yoda is awesome.”

“That is wonderful. A Jedi Master. Congratulations. That s quite the honor. I am very impressed. I wonder if they have Champaign on this planet,” What is champaign? “Let me ask you something about Yoda,” he continued to speak, “If you don’t mind. I believe I’ve heard him say he’s around 600 years old. Is that really true?”

“He’s more around 800, I think. But yeah, that’s at least his perception of it.”

“So then, if he’s old and wise, why does he talk like that? I mean to be honest he sounds slightly brain damaged?”

I was confused so I nervously laughed, “I don’t know what you mean professor. Do you mean his accent? I think its just an accent.”

“My dear, I must insist you call me Charles, after all, we have-“

The wall exploded. There was a sonic boom, and it threw me to the ground, I grabbed my purse, and let my lekkus down, I attached the thermal to the one as quickly as possible, and I drew my white and purple lightsaber.

I leapt up, and was very confused, “Jango Fett?” I asked. What did I do to tick that boy off?

If you'll excuse me, this bounty hunter has come a long way, for some reason, and if its me, my head needs to stay attached to my shoulders,

Hugs and kisses,
Erifia Apoc

"Right now, I want to kill you..."

I felt her tugging at me… I couldn’t… There was too much pain. If I came back, I would just go unconscious again. Then I felt coolness all over me… My lekkus became cool. I opened my eyes.

“Are my lekkus okay?” I asked a little afraid of her answer.

“They’ll be tender for a while, but that too will pass in time,” she looked at me clearly distressed by something, she turned away from me, “Why are you here?”

“For you… You kind of left me hanging at the temple. The council was a little upset,” I laughed a bit, “So Master Yoda made me a master… How weird huh? I know you are a knight, but will you be my padawan until we can get that braid removed?”

“You’ll have to forgive me, Master! But I couldn’t control my emotions.” She cried softly “And I still can’t control them, not the way the council rules allows us to be.”

“Barriss, Barriss… Calm down… Its okay, its me. I’m your friend. I care about you. I love you. Sometimes you make me sad, sometimes mad, but you make me happy… You hear that? I feel emotion… Calm down Okay?”

She began to cry, She kept wiping her tears away, “You’re here to do the council’s will.”

I hushed her, “No Barriss. I’m here to make sure you are okay? You can talk to me.”

“Erifia, I’m not okay. I’m not even sure if I’ll ever be okay,” Barriss said slowly, “Right now I want to kill you, and I know that’s not right.”

“Why?” I asked, “I’m okay with you wanting to kill me, but tell me why. Give me a reason.”

“I don’t know!” she yelled, “I’ve tried everything I know and I still can’t find a reason as to why?”

“Then kill me,” I said calmly, “If you think you’ll get the answers that way. I’m very weak right now. I couldn’t fight you too terribly hard. I’ve been through a lot, I’ve wanted to kill everyone around me. I felt lost, I felt I didn’t deserve life, Barriss. You and I aren’t the same person. So I don’t know what you need to find your way. But if killing me will give you peace, then kill me.”

“No, Erifia I won’t kill you in this state,” she said, “if I was to kill you it would be a fair fight. Images of her dreams flashed before my eyes, there was death everywhere. I winced, “Why am I not where I need to be, Master?”

“Because you are afraid of where that path may lead you.” Where the frell did that come from?

She stared at me. Was I supposed to go on? That was the best I had.

If you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to come with something wise, post haste,

Anger and Rage (And its not me this time,)
Erifia Apoc

* * * * * * * * * * * *
Author’s Note: On my Radio Show today, I’ve got another blogger dedication.



To get there, go to 91.9 WCAL Power 92

My section of the show will be from 2-4, my co-host and I switch, and he’ll be on from 4 – 6, and My blogger dedication will be between 3 and 3:30.

All times are EST.

Hunting a Friend

(There is more than this to be seen, Click here to know what I mean.)

My ship was following Barriss’ automatically. I didn’t have to do anything. So I spent some much needed time with my baby Tatooine, and my sidekick Becca. They were both lacking on attention from me as of late.

After the ship landed itself, I realized I was in big trouble when I looked outside. All of the Mirialan Women were completely covered. Becca and I met eyes.

“This doesn’t look good for you Boss, you better get some real clothes on…”

“Uhm… No.”

I made sure my sabers were attached and I walked outside. I went into the street, and a path was made for me as I walked. The men all stared. Clearly most of them had never seen this much of a Mirialan Woman, so seeing a Twi’lek had to be something amazing.

The woman however, didn’t seem as pleased at my presence. They began to yell curses out.

“Cover yourself you Sore.” And “Need more clothing, Hutt?” Eventually the insults became too much. I had to get to Barriss, but I was going to beat some Mirialan’s heads in.

I swung my fist out, and I met one’s cheek, she dropped to the ground. I took several steps back, and I was surrounded. There were seven or eight Mirialan woman.

“Come on, one at a time…You insulted me one at a time, fight me one at a time.”

The first of them brought her foot around and I shoved on it, sending her leg twisting, and her knee popping as she fell right to the ground. The one from behind, punched my in the back of my head, I did a back flip, and brought both of my feet down on the back of her head. She was knocked unconscious before she could even think. I had forgotten about how tender the back of their heads were.

Three came in this time, and I leapt into the air, and landed on their heads, I brought my legs together, making their faces meet, and I drop kicked the third one.

I stood in a fighting position, “Are we done?”

That’s when the metal extendo-staves came, and it became unfair, real fast. I wasn’t going to use my sabers against these people. They began to beat on me. It hurt… Real bad…

I stood… just to be hit in the head by the nearest staff. I grabbed a saber, I extended it.

“Ready to go now?” I asked breathing heavily.

They brought their staves, in, and I did the same honor. That’s when one brought her fist to my temple. My head violently turned. I looked through the crowd. There was a pause, I met Barriss’ eyes. We looked at each other for what seemed like an eternity. I then stood my ground. One kicked the back of my knee, dislocating it, and then I was uppercutted, I hit the ground. My lekkus spread out, and they all began to stomp on them. I began to writhe in pain. It hurt so much.

This was a good plan Erifia, you should have just wore the cloak.

“NO!” Barriss’ voice rung out, and she pushed through the crowd.

“Erifia?” She knelt next to me.

“I’ve got good news for you…” I said softly, my eyes beginning to close, “I am now a Master… I can be your master…” I closed my eyes. It was night time for Erifia.

If you’ll excuse me, Its beddy time for Erifia,

Bruises and Cuts,
Erifia Apoc

Master, May-I?

After Master Yoda had said that, his words echoed through my head. He wanted me to be a master, was he crazy? What was he thinking?

Rather then pondering on the words of wise old men… I started thinking about Barriss and the problems she was having. There was nothing really I could do to help. Nothing at all.

Then it hit me. I got a huge smile on my face. I stood and ran down the temple halls. I had to get to the room where I left Barriss. I think I plowed into NandeHi. I can’t be sure. I heard some choice words flung my way, and then I had to do a jump over the hurdle that was Harvey.

I tried to stop, but my soft shoes didn’t allow me to stop of the soft floors, and I kept sliding until I hit a wall, and fell backwards, hurting my poor lekkus. The splitting headache vanished. I had a solution for Barriss.

I stood and ran into the room, “Barriss!” I yelled with a smile, “Barriss I’ve got wonderful news!” She wasn’t there. The room was filled with the sorrow and pain she was feeling.

“Oh my poor Barriss,” I said as I rushed out of the room. I used the force to see where her footsteps were. It was like following little puddles of water. Footprints a person leaves are filled with the emotion they are feeling strongest. In the temple its easy to follow someone who is sad or upset. I noticed a set of fiery looking ones. I left those.

I ran following those footprints. They led past where I had plowed into NandeHi and she had collected a stack of papers, and I plowed into the poor woman again.

Barriss was outside, and I followed, but it was too late, I was stuck in the exaust of her ship. I leapt, leapt, leapt, leapt, and leapt. She was too high, and now I had a far distance to fall. I landed clumsily on the roof of the temple, and I grabbed a tracker off of my ship caller, and I threw it, and pushed it to land and plant on her ship.

“I did it Barriss,” I said softly, “I know how to help you. I will be your master until you can get that silly braid removed.”

If you'll excuse me, I've got one Mirialan Still-Braided Jedi Knight to catch, and force into being happy,

Plowed Hugs, and Unintended Kisses,
Erifia Apoc

(Author's Note. Check out my title at the top. Remember how it was, "Erifia Apoc, No I'm not Aayla Secura, I'm too cool for that. Well, I added lots more. Go ahead and hit refresh lots of times. Its fun.)

Yelling and Screaming (At the Council)

I arrived on Coruscant, and I was waiting impatiently outside of the council chambers. The temple was somewhat dark today, and it was because of what I was there to do.

The doors opened.

“Erifia, in you must come,” Master Yoda said.

I entered the council. I bowed my head to Master Yoda, “Master,” I said to openly spite the others in the room, “I must speak with you all. Forgive me for what I am about to say.”

“My blessing you have. Speak away you can.”

“You all have been ruining us!” I screamed, “Your laws restricting emotion almost made me become a sith!”

I looked around at their reaction, not surprisingly no-one was shocked.

“I have trusted my emotions as my master taught me, and his master before him. Instead of hating them and hiding them, I made them a part of who I am. I have lived this way, and you have known this. If you’d see to kick me out of the temple, do so now. For all of its emotional laws I have broken.”

Shaak-Ti was the first who wanted to speak, “We know you have…”

“I am a young woman! I am twenty four. I need love. I need someone in my life. Even if I didn’t want to feel emotion, I am sure each of you up there, save you Master can remember that feeling of want and desire.”

Obi-Wan went to speak.

“No! And You. Don’t get me started on you. Hypocrisy is rampant in the temple. You know that? All of you save you Master are Hippocrates. I know secrets about each of you. Secrets that could destroy you. Any secrets about me, are out in the open. I know about everything,” I looked at Luminara specifically at that point.

Luminara spoke, “What secrets?”

“I’m a spy. Just shut up, and take what I am saying to you all! Did you know if I wasn’t trained to release my emotions I would have become a sith? My master saved my soul. Because he taught me emotions were not wrong. Many Sith come out of the temple, you know why? Because none of you teach your padawans to deal with releasing that emotion. It doesn’t have anything to do with the force; it has everything to do with spirits and souls!”

Mace went to say something.
“Yeah. So speaks the biggest hypocrite. How come when I use my emotion I am wrong, yet when he uses his he is right?”

Master Yoda spoke, and I bowed my head in respect, “Erifia, done yet are you?”

“No master, may I continue?”

“Tell me when done you are.”

“Yes sir…”

Once I was sure he wasn’t going to reply, I looked back up.

“And poor Barriss! She’s afraid to come to you because of your rules. Guess what champs… She’s starting to feel things. Imagine that, all that repressed emotion finally showing itself as fear from you for your stupid rules…”

Nothing.

“How many of you have taught your padawans to know that everything a sith says is to get you to give into becoming a sith? I couldn’t help but listen to the sith who approached me. She used living force to hold my attention to her. I could do nothing but listen and agree with her? Whose fault is that? My Master’s Master’s Master. That’s right, I was never taught that.”

I blinked my eyes, and Obi-Wan went to speak again, “Why did you not strike the sith down?”

I turned to him, “Why? So I could become one? If a jedi hears one word from a sith’s mouth, and then kills them, they have a chance to take over that sith’s position, or did we forget that? Oh wait… That’s right, it’s alright to kill, Sith. Yet if a bounty hunter tries to blow my head off, I can’t kill him. But… Wait… All of you sitting up there are allowed to kill anyone you wish who is a threat. But I am only allowed to kill droids.”

The council remained quiet.

“No words now, huh? No words of advice? Or are you going to tell your padawans everything I just spoke her, and excommunicate me from the temple, and I’ll be nothing but another rule for masters to follow…”

Tears began to streak down my eyes. It took so much courage to do this.

“See these? I cried these for several days… How many of you know what it feels like to have these streaming down your face uncontrollably because there are rules against them? Each tear I cry is for my friends that have died or went to the dark side because of your silly rules. Notice how many there are? Maybe you should all make a change. Because I am not. My emotions controlled and repressed led me to almost become a sith, my emotions released and allowed me to remain a jedi. Think about that when you all sleep tonight.”

I bowed my head, “I am done Master,”

“Erifia, talk you and I must in my quarters.”

I closed my eyes, tears rolled down my cheek. Master Yoda stood from his chair and stood beside me, together we exited the council chambers, and I looked down, he stood up to my knee cap. I giggled lightly as tears rolled down my cheek.

“Giggle why do you?”

“I’m sorry Master I mean no disrespect, I am just very scared right now, so I looked for something to laugh at…”

“My height it is, sometimes funny it is. Understand this I do. Laugh you may…”

“No Master, it is disrespectful to you.”

“Respect me, why do you?”

“Because Master, of all of them, you were the only one who treated me as a person… Besides Obi-Wan but…”

“Return your affection he did not…”

My stomach sunk… I stumbled and had to support myself on a wall.

“Idiot could see it,” he added, “Obi-Wan did not, tells you something that does. To me why did you not turn?”

I slid down the wall and sat against it, my knees bent up, he looked around them and stood next to my head, “I was scared.”

“Scared of me, never should you be. Here to help only am I.”

“Master, are you going to kill me?” tears began to roll down my eyes, and I blinked them heavily, I saw him withdrawing his saber and removing my head.

“No, nothing like that I will do to you. Truth be told, respect you I do. Gerith Gwin’s death, not your fault it was,” (Somehow I didn’t like the wording…) “Survived that pain you did, Understand that, I cannot.”

I looked at him intently.

“Not a council seat I offer you, but strength of soul you have, impressive it is. Master a padawan will you?”

I choked… I began to laugh. Loud and hard. He can’t seriously be offering me the position of master.

“Padawan do you want?”

“Master. I am honored. I truly am. But me? You want another me running around?”

“Have another you around, not bad that will be. Have another Kenobi running around, terrible that will be. Drift of mine you catch?”

“Yes Master, may I think about it?”

“Think hard not, return to me within a week.”

“Yes Master, If you’ll excuse me I’m going to go think, okay?”

“Many hugs and kisses,” he began to laugh a little. (He knows me better than I thought.) I gave him a hug.

Erifia Apoc

Whole

“Commander Nebula will be arriving on Muunilinst *cough cough* within hours. Prepare the droids *cough*” I shut off the com link, My Grevious voice was still good, it astounded me how dumb some people were. I had set the stage for my own downfall. Convinced the CIS that there was a General coming to Muunilinst to eradicate them.

I looked down. I am not stable, and I was not safe to be around. I was ready to crack, ready to break. Ready to give up.

Becca stared at me, reading my mind, and she recoiled. She had to feel everything, the regret, the willingness to die.

“No…” She said, “You’re stupid!”

I made no reply to her. She swung her fist at me. I blocked it with my head.

“You can’t… You’re so dumb…” She screamed.

I waited for the ship to arrive on Muunilinst. I stared blankly at the wall. I had to do this. If not for me, then for those around me. Darth Inferna can never exist. I cleared my lekkus. I strapped two of the sabers at my side, and held two. I left the thermal detonators. I wanted them to at least have a body to recover.

I went into the back storage room. I had two other sabers back there. I grabbed them as well. The ship landed a little roughly. I stepped outside. I activated the ship’s shields. I stood there with two sabers strapped at my side, and two in my hand, lit and ready to go. I let the firmness I was holding them with, slack a little, and they cut into the earth.

There was an empty field in front of me. I stood in its center. That’s when I heard the movement gears grinding. I had to do this. I had to. If I died, then I died a Jedi and not a sith. I had to do this to make me feel good inside. I had to make up for all of my sins.

The army was being led by Dooku. They had saw fit to meet the Army of Commander Nebula with a sith lord. When he saw me, there was a pause. I looked at the army behind him. Thousands upon, thousands of super battle droids. I had no fear. They were going to kill me… I began to laugh…

Dooku was taken aback. I was alone. He raised his arms, and the droids charged forward. I let them. I let them surround me. I closed my eyes. I opened them. The super battle droids all raised their guns.

I dropped my six sabers onto the ground. I knelt down on my knees. I put my hands behind my lekkus.

The droids seemed taken aback by this. That’s when they fired. I made my sabers all extend using the force. They began to spin around me as they had when I was Darth Inferna. Sabers spinning so fast it seemed like a barrier of light was around me, and as the droids fired their blasts began to roll off of my shield barrier.

I called my purple and white saber back to me, leaving the red, and blue one I claimed from that one droid, and the green and the yellow one, which I bought at that yardsale. They spun around me as I walked forward, cutting through droids.

Never letting a single shot pass. I pushed electricity through my two sabers, it swept through one, and going to the next. I threw my purple saber outwards, it swept through a line of them. It came back to me. They began to throw grenades, and with each grenade that hit the saber wall, it made them explode instantly.

I threw my other sabers up into the barrier. I force shoved several droids down, and then I released sith lightning at the next out of one hand.

I smiled… I felt whole. Saber after saber. Blow after blow. I began to destroy and explode everything that came in contact with me.

Finally, the droids were called for a retreat but I didn’t lower my saber wall, as I approached Dooku. There seemed to be a barrier of living force around me, because any droid parts that I had missed, all were thrown out of the way.

I began to throw and pull all six sabers at Dooku, who had trouble blocking all of them. I released force lightning at him. I pulled him to me, and I kicked his face.

“I am Erifia Apoc!” I shouted, “I am not Darth Inferna!” He would never again meet Darth Inferna. He would never get to see her dark eyes again.

Count Dooku spoke, “But…”

“I am Erifia Apoc! I am not a Sith. I am a Jedi.”

I grabbed his shoulder. I released sith lightning into it. I forced all my energy into it.

“Let go!” He screamed as he began to spasm.

“If you want Darth Inferna, you can have her!”

I let all the saber rest, as I called them all to me. I force ran to my ship. Once I was on it, I collapsed. Becca hit a button. I looked. It was a holo recorder.

“You destroyed two thousand super battle droids, by yourself… I don’t know. Do you feel better?”

I nodded weakly.

“What made you feel better?”

“Captain Typho… Just like I knew he could… I could of not let myself live if he hadn’t helped me.”

I went to the shower, and I began to cry as I let the warm water run over me. Obi-Wan had killed me. Nepharia had reaped my Soul. Typho saved my life.. Now it was up to me to change some things.

The first thing I am going to change is hiding any of my emotion. I will wear it all on my sleeve. The Second thing I am going to change is I am going to be nicer to those who care about me, I was a horrible person but no longer. The third thing I am going to do is refuse to let other people think for me.

I was so tired… The fatigue and pain of using so much force had drained my life energy away. I laid down on the bed, I am going to sleep for several days.

If you’ll excuse me, I am going to go to the temple, and yell at the council,

Hugs and Kisses,
Erifia Apoc as it will be forevermore.

Interruption by the Author

Hey. On my radioshow today, I will be honoring another blogger... This week its, Barriss Offee.




Elton John - Don't let the Sun Go Down on me

To listen...

http://wcal.cup.edu/live.mov

Thanks,
The Author

A Late Night Call, A Plea for Help: Part 6

(See my Savior)
(See from before...)

He made sense.

"How can I feel? How can I feel and no-one else can?" I asked him, "How?"

I looked to Dante, maybe he could answer for me. My eyes had to be pleading. So pleading that it looked as if it would crush me if he didn't answer. But I was sure he probably didn't have the answer I needed.

Dante sounded disappointed in me, "Is that the question you want her to answer? I can guarantee that she can't answer that question for you, She can't answer, because it's not true. There are trillions of beings in this galaxy, and most of them feel something. I think when you say no one else can feel, it's because you think no one feels what you feel, or no one feels as deeply as you feel. Nothing could be further from the truth. If you weren't a Jedi, you would know that." He looked at me… Trying to calm me with his eyes and it worked…

"The rest of us muddle along through life, getting hurt and hurting other people, hating some people and loving others, feeling anger, sadness, joy, ecstasy. I appreciate what the Jedi do for us and for our Republic, but I feel sorry for you, because you defend what you're not allowed to have. You must be the loneliest beings in the galaxy."

I cast my eyes down from him, “I’ve got so much held in here… I want to release it all… My master taught me to allow emotions to flow through me instead of repressing them. It worked for so long… But what he taught me doesn’t work anymore, I’ve now reached the time in my life when I need someone to love…”

I was calmer now. Tears had stopped flowing from my eyes. I felt much better.

I stood and was less than wobbly. I offered my hand to help him up. I wasn’t ready to go, but I felt much better. How had he done that to me so quickly.

He took my hand, and I pulled him back so he stood. I was pondering what he had said that had calmed me down so I could tell him… And then I realized, it wasn’t one thing he had said… It was him. He had calmed me down just by trying to comfort me and trying to tell me everything would be okay…

“Before you look for someone to love, love yourself,” he said, “Don’t beat yourself up so much. Give yourself permission to feel whatever it is you’re feeling. You’ll like yourself more, and when you like yourself, love has a way of finding you.”

I couldn’t help but smile that was corniest thing he said all night. He looked at the window, it was almost dawn.

I laughed a little, and wiped away a free flowing tear…

“Maybe we should do this again sometime,” I joked, “Next time I’ll be the loving mother, and you can be the helpless child…”

“I’m sorry I woke you up and stayed so long Dante… You have no idea how much you helped me…”
I took several uneasy steps and gave him a tight hug, “Thank you,” I whispered in his ear, “So much…”

“Anytime,” He said hugging me back, “And somewhere down the road I will take you up on your offer, so I hope you mean it…” He said.

I walked towards the door… Maybe if she leaves you, I can be your love

If you’ll excuse me, I feel a little better,

Here are your hugs and kisses back,
Erifia Apoc

A Late Night Call, A Plea for Help: Part 5

(See my Savior)
(See from before...)

He looked at me confused… I didn’t know what that meant. Why was he confused?

“Well, let’s see,” he said. He grabbed a candle, and held it near me, “Let’s see if anything’s wrong. Two arms, two legs. Three lekku, which is unusual but attractive. And various other parts, also attractive,” he smiled at me, “Everything seems to be in order. Nope, I don’t see anything wrong with you. What do you think is wrong with you?”

I smiled and laughed a little. I looked at him, but soon sadness came over me again.

“You’re so kind to me,” I said softly, “I would wish nothing more than to kiss you now, and love you forever…” I closed my eyes, the woman who was so frequently there seemed fainter, I opened them, “But I can’t… I respect Oneida too much…”

“Dante… I’m not well, in my head… In my soul… Something is wrong… I don’t know what…” I felt stronger now… But I still wasn’t back to myself… Maybe I never could go back.

I looked to him. Opening myself again, releasing the tight grip on my legs.

“Well when did this start?” he asked, “Someone made you doubt yourself? Besides that jerk, Obi-Wan, I mean.”

I nodded weakly, “She called her Nepharia… I see her when I close my eyes… Darth Nepharia… She spoke to me and I couldn’t get away, and when she touched me I felt safe… I felt like I would have if I was in a mother’s arms. She had answers I needed… She still has them, she won’t tell me… She messed with my brain… I feel like I can’t think for myself…”

“I don’t know this Darth Nepharia… But I do know that it’s a rare person who gives away something for free… Think about what she wants from you, before you make any kind of decision. If she was a friend – or at least someone benevolent – she wouldn’t be trying to confuse you. And more importantly, don’t assume only she can answer your questions, whatever they are. I bet you already have the answers you seek.”

If you’ll excuse me… Oh what does it matter…

Nothing and Nothing,
Erifa Apoc

A Late Night Call, A Plea for Help: Part 4

(See my Savior)
(See from before...)

“Oh…” My heart shattered another step, “No… The only female friends I have are Barriss, who is so code set she wouldn’t understand, Becca, who wouldn’t know how to help me, and Oneida, but I only met her once,” I said, “But I needed you…”

I pulled all the way away from him. Tears beginning to flow again, all he had to do was ask me to leave. I stood on wobbly legs. I collapsed, and my head connected with his knee… I never have felt so weak. I used my arms, the only strong part about me, and laid my head against his lower thigh. I looked up to him.

“I’m sorry…” was all that escaped my lips in less then a whisper.

“Okay, tell me why you think you’ve got no friends. That can’t be true, I like you and I’ve known you for like, two seconds.” He hugged me. It felt warm and comforting… Like I could melt into him.

I placed my chin on the otherside of his neck, I used it to pull him tighter to me. I pressed myself up against him, and realized what I was doing, trying to get him to kiss me again. I pulled away from his hug, and curled up on myself. My legs pressed against my chest tightly as I wrapped my arms around them, to close myself off from him, and to keep myself away from him.

"I have freinds," I said, "Just none of them can help me like you can, like you are..."

I looked up again a tear rolling down my cheek, and then down my calf.

"So you don't think anything is wrong with me?" I asked hopefully, closing my eyes forcing tears from my eyes. When I did, the woman was there... I opened my eyes quickly.

If you’ll excuse me, I am waiting for an answer,

Hug me… Kiss me…
Erifia Apoc

A Late Night Call, A Plea for Help: Part 3

(See my Savior)
(See from before...)

"I loved him..." I said feeling comfort still from him patting my lekku, which wiggled a little everytime he did, "I loved him... He helped me so much when I was a padawan... He stopped Aayla from beating on me... and he did what you are doing now... Will you beat him up?"

I wrapped my arms around him and squeezed him tightly again. He made me feel safe... He made things clear...

“Sure,” he said, “Ill beat him up for you. Of course he’ll probably cheat and decapitate me. If he does my mom will be very unhappy. Maybe Jardena too…”

“So you’ve known Obi-Wan since you were little?” he said, “If you’ve been friends that long, maybe you should give him another chance? He may not have meant to hurt your feelings… Maybe you… Surprised him with your admission about how you felt?”

Each word he spoke further I began to cry more. I didn’t want to think about Obi-Wan. By the end I was so deep in tears, I could scarcely hear him.

“Dante…” I cried, “Why do I have to feel and everyone else not?” I squeezed him around the waist, and tried to push myself to his shoulder, where I rested my head, and my lekkus dropped down over his back.

I wanted him to wrap his arms around my shoulders, and hold me tight, tell me, ‘Everything is going to be okay…’

“Dante… I’m scared without love I’m going to become a sith… I needed him to love me back… I need love…” I began to cry again… My lekkus wiggled. They hadn’t done that for a long time… They wanted me to dance…I fought the urge, as tears rolled down my cheek.

He pushed me away… He pulled away from the embrace that was keeping me sane. He pulled back from my anchor to reality…

“You’re not going to become a sith,” he said almost in an ordering tone, “I can’t tell you about Jedi stuff, or the dark side, or any of that, but I can tell you something about the nature of men and women. You might think that you need Obi-Wan because you’re having a crisis, but you’re stronger than that. You don’t need him for anything, much less love.”

He took a deep breath… And he looked down into my eyes. I knew he wouldn’t… I couldn’t ask him to. He was Oneida’s. But I wanted him to kiss me… Even if I knew it was wrong… It was how shattered my heart was.

“You must have female friends, right?” He asked, “Other Jedi who could help you with the things you’re experiencing and keep your privacy?”

If you’ll excuse me, I have to fight my primitive urges for love,

Wanting Hugs, and Lacking Kisses,
Erifia Apoc

A Late Night Call, A Plea for Help: Part 2

(See my Savior)
(See from before...)


He caught me? Was I going to fall? He held me in his lap. Almost as if I was a child. As soon as I felt better because someone was holding me, he said, “Want to tell me what’s wrong? Or if you don’t feel like talking yet, that’s fine too…”

Why did he have to ask, I began to cry again, but I wiped my tears clean.

“ForthelastchallengeIhadtobecomeasith, and, whenIbecameasithIwenttothetempletofindsomesortofforgiveness. But, Icouldn’tsleepatnightandmydeadmasterwouldn’ttalktome, then, IwenttogogeticecreamandObiWanwasthere. So, hestartedscoldingmeaboutwhatIwear, and, hetoldmeoputonacloakandIaskedhimifitdispleasedhim, and then, I Kissed Him, andthenhestartedgoingonaboutthecodeandhowhecouldn’tfeelanything, and, ItoldhimhowlongIlovedhimlikethat and, Isaidthatitwassadhehaddied. And I had to find out, soIkissedhimagainhescoldedmeoncemoreandsaidifIdiditathirdtime, that, he’dkickmeoutofthetemple…” I began to sob, and I grabbed Dante’s Shoulder, and pulled myself to him in tears, “ThenIwenttodatooinebecausewhenitrainsno-onecanseemecry, and, therewasawomantherewhokepttellingmeaboutcorruptionofthetemple. She wouldn’t shut up! IkepttellinghertoandIthreatenedtokillher, She touched me. whenshetouchedmeIfeltsafeIlistenedtoherShewasaSith…” I squeezed Dante’s shoulders even tighter, I was so scared, so sick, I hadn’t eaten or slept in days, “I can’t get her out of my head, shestherewhenIclosemyeyestellingmeeverythingisgoingtobeokay.”

I released Dante, and closed my eyes, and I saw her again… I grabbed my head… “Get out…” I pleaded… I laid my head on Dante’s chest… “I don’t know what to do…”

He began to pat my lekku, stroking it as if it was a small animal, and it made me feel calm, and at ease… “I can’t pretend to understand everything you’re going through, but from what you said, it seems that you’re scared that the things you’re feeling will lead you to becoming a Sith? It can’t be that simple, Erifia. It can’t just be emotion that makes a jedi go wrong… There has to be evil there to begin with. I’ve only known you for a little while, and I don’t see that in you.” How could he know?

He made me look up at him, by pushing on my chin, “Okay Ms. Sapphire, tell me about Obi-Wan. He was mean to you? You want me to beat him up?” He was joking but I wanted him to hurt like he had hurt me.

Tight wanting hugs, and wished kisses,
Erifia Apoc

A Late Night Call, A Plea for Help: Part 1

(See my Savior)

I opened the holo-com... I had to do it. I had nowhere else to turn... He was the only person I could talk to. I punched in his numbers.

"Dante..." I started after I heard the beep for the recording, "I'm so sorry. Its a terrible hour... But I feel like dieing... can I please come see you?"

“Hello?” he replied just waking… Oh I had woken him… I was going to hang up until he said, “Yeah sure… come on over…” He sounded annoyed but I would be too if I had woke me up that late, “The powers still out in the building, so you’ll have to do a lot of walking to get to this floor… And bring a flashlight…”

"Okay," I said. I cut the connection, and I sent my ship flying towards his apartment building. Tears rolling down my face. I landed in front of his apartment. I opened the door, it was dark, but to me it was clear as day. I ran up the stairs. I wiped my face clean of any tears, and I hit the buzzer on his door.

I put on a fake smile. I had to at least look somewhat pleasant... Right?

He opened the door, “Hey… Come in…” he said taking my hand. Was he touching me? How could he even think about it I’m so useless, “I apologize if it is a little hot in here, no backup generator, no AC.” There was a candle but I could barely see it anyway…

“Has something happened… Are you okay?” I think he offered me a seat, but I didn’t take it…

After I crossed the treshold it was as if the dam behind my eyes had broken, and I began to cry... My fake smile turning into a frown, "No... I'm not okay..."

I was so blinded by tears that I couldn't see him, but I reached for him... Stumbling in a step and barely keeping my balance.

If you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to fall further than I’ve ever fell before,

O( & <^^>
Erifia Apoc

A Date With Hudson (I had it coming)

I, The author of Erifia’s Blog, hereby give my permission to interrupt the suspense and drama going on in her life for a long awaited date with Hudson.



Approved!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(See it from Hudson's Flawed Perception.)

Oh force help me, a date with Hudson. I had won a date with him on LGS as part of my prize, and likewise, I won a sill contest from a silly hutt. I was dreading it. I had heard but thank the force not had been victum to his negative actions towards women.

To get myself ready I put on my long black dress. I didn’t want him to see more flesh than he had to. I did nothing special. I got a shower, but I didn’t put on any perfume or anything. I didn’t want him to get the wrong idea… Because by won a date with him… It was more like, forced at blaster point to go on a date with him.

I decided on Sky City. Its neutral ground at least, and lots of people are there, so if I need help, I can sure procure it. Not that I’d need it, save Jon asked me not to hurt him. Frankly, he wasn’t going to get anything, even if he was sweet.

When I landed, I walked to security, and they looked at me, and looked me over, and said… “Where could you possibly have any weapons?”

I smiled, “I don’t carry weapons, I’m a dancer girl.”

They opened the gate, and let me pass.

So… I had made arrangements to meet him at The Golden Nugget. The restaurant was basically a poorly run family restaurant. I leaned against the wall. I saw him. I was fairly obvious. I watched him, as he walked up to a twi’lek dancing girl, and he walked up grabbed her hand, and licked it and said, “My name if Private Bill Hudson, but you can call me Private McDreamy.” I’m glad he used the worst pick up line on her. I wouldn’t have to put up with it then.

She slapped him, and said, “Get away from me creep.”

“What? You’re not Erifia?” He asked, No, of course not dummy. She’s bright sky blue.

“Double ew… No get lost or I’m calling security!” Oh really?! Double Eww on me? You and I are going to war.

“Hey, Hudson. I’m right here.”

He turned around to me, and looked with big doofy dreamy eyes… Now I am not a person to judge on looks by any stretch of the imagination, I don’t mind what a person looks like at all. But He could have at least worn clean clothes, and brushed his hair… Or, if they were the clean clothes, and he had brushed his hair… He needs to be hit up by Jawa Eye for the Human Guy.

I nodded.

He then walked up to me, and started some human mating ritual dance of some sort. He kept trying to hug me or something, back and fourth… Then finally, taking the initiative I grabbed his hand and shook it vigorously.

“I’m Private Hudson, but uh…” He was staring at my cleavage, “I uh… Call me William… Willie… er Bill…”

It was almost sweet how nervous he was, so I responded in a friendly way, “Bill, I like that name… You look very… uhm… Nice in your… Uhm… Suit?”

“Oh yeah!” he responded, “You look hot too… I like those two things you got there… Do they bounce up and down when you run?”

Okay. Nice Erifia just went out the window!

“What?!”

“The head tail thingies, do they bounce around and stuff or do you have a big hate for them or something?”

“Yeah,” I said shortly, “They are my lekku. My race usually has two, but I’ve got three.” I wanted to knock him out. I wanted to cut him in two.

“Oh, I like three…” he said I could see his mind turning with ideas, “Its like you have one for each hand or something, plus one extra…”

When a dog wants to bite, it bears its teeth, so did I with my smile. He had some sick ideas. I could see them… I could hear them bouncing off his brain like bowling balls waiting to get out. He walked up to the host of the empty restaurant, and ignorantly handed him a five. For his ignorance, the host put us by the doors.

I sighed, and munched on a piece of white bread. The waitress walked over, and he said, “We’ll have a box of your cheapest wine, this year so it’s cheaper then normal.”

“We will also have oysters, Double size plates,” He was making up for the wine I guess.

I gave him a fake smile, and he smiled back.

He squeezed the wine out of the box, and proposed a toast, “Here’s to good friends,” he said, “Tonight is kind of special…”

“Ha!” I said out loud.

The plates were brought, and he like, shoved the whole thing in his mouth, and chewed on the shell to. Wow… wow…

“You know what it means when you eat theses don’t you?” He asked.

I shook my head, I knew what was coming next, An aphrodisiac

“It means you can eat anything!” He responded, “You shoulda seen some of the stuff I’ve eaten in the corps. Onetime, Corporal Hicks had this Orwellian bloodworm on a plate, and he ordered me to eat it, and so I did because he’s a superior and he gave me a lawful order. So I ate it and it was totally cool. Nothing happened or anything except it felt like fire when I pee—er, nothing happened.”

Somehow, in true slob style, he had something attached to his cheek. I watched as it moved with his cheek. I couldn’t take my eyes off of it.

All dinner, I ate gingerly and stared at it. Wow… how was it on there so long. Even with the sweat pouring off of him it didn’t fall.

After dinner, he grabbed my wrist and pulled me to the dance floor. I knew this was going to end badly. He had shown no coordination for dancing and when we started, I noticed that he was standing on my feet. If I didn’t have an overdeveloped tolerance for pain, I’ve have cried.

He tugged me from the restaurant. He was treating me like a dog. I followed. I had to. Jaba and Jon would have all of their henchman and monkey boys after me with guns. He dragged me along the strip, and he kept pointing at himself and trying to get guys to high five him.

“Oh look! A Tattoo Parlor!” He pointed and smiled, “Maybe you could get ‘I heart Hudson’ tattooed on one of your legos.”

“Are you dumb? I couldn’t mar my body like that!”

“Just kidding,” he elbowed my ribs. Ouch…

“Oh look! A massage parlor!” He pointed at the next shop, “I wonder if we could get a massage with one of those happy ending, you know? You know what a happy ending is?”

“No…” Oh my force… Oh my force… He couldn’t… No… No……….. “You couldn’t possibly mean?”

“Ice Cream…” There was an ice cream parlor right next to the massage parlor, “I can’t think of anything that would make me happier than a big scoop of chocolate after a nice massage!”

What kind of a freaky strip was this?

“Uh… Let’s just go for the ice cream.”

So I walked up, and I got vanilla ice cream. The classic is always the best. He got chocolate with sprinkles. He then walked me back to my ship.

“I had a really great time tonight,” he said.

“I guess it wasn’t terrible,” I replied.

He then leaned into kiss me, “No.” I said, “Never ever on a first date…”

I’m sure he thought that meant a second date…

So he leaned forward and then launched himself at me. He attempted to make it look like he tripped, but he didn’t. He grabbed my chest. I kicked him in the groin, and shoved him to the ground. I entered my ship and took off… He’ll be sorry tomorrow.

If you’ll excuse me, I need a shower,

Maybe a hug, but never a kiss,
Erifia Apoc

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Note from the Author:
Also: Thursday, September 13, 2006, From 2 – 4 pm est. I will be controlling the airways, and this week, I’ve chosen Jon, Intergalatic Gladiator as my blogger of the week.



http://wcal.cup.edu/live.mov

The Death of My Soul

Dantooine. The rain was running down along my lekkus dripping off the items I had attached to the ends. It ran softly down along my cheek, and then to the ground. I love the rain. Because when its raining no one can see me cry.

It was a mesh of tears and rain in the end. I began to run. I had to run. I ran through fields, and I ran through trees, and then I collapsed… How could I have been so stupid? How? He could have never loved me.

Maybe it would be better if I started living like them, and go against what my master taught me… With no emotion, there can be no pain. My lekkus tried to wiggle to comfort me but failed because of the weight of my essentials on them.

“The Jedi eschew their natural form… They are emotional beings…”

My head shot up, there was a woman standing there…

“And there is such a thing as righteous anger…”

“Who said I was angry?!” I yelled.

“How can they judge?” she said looking at me… “What is right and what is wrong? Who decides that?”

“The counsel… Who are you?”

“Your Yoda refused to allow Qui Gon to instruct The One in the ways of the force because there was so much anger in him…”

“I know he did… What are you trying to say? Who are you?”

“But Your Windu, he practices righteous anger? Where does his righteous anger stop and the unrighteous anger begin? The Jedi sect, my dear, is filled with hypocrisy. ‘Our anger is justified, while yours is not.’”

I grabbed my sabers off my lekkus and extended both of them. The bright white and dark purple shining off both our wet faces.

“Do I have sith tattooed on my forehead?”

“Nope,” I spat, I didn’t like the way she was talking… She was wrong!

“Then what justification do you have to kill me? Because my opinion is different?” She asked, she gave me the chills.

“Stop it! Tell me who you are?!”

“I am Nepharia,” She said “And I am older than I look. But I did not come here to pick a fight… You looked like someone who needed help.

“So what if I did?” I said, “You are odd feeling,” I looked at her… “Why are you here?”

“Why are YOU here?”

“Because, No-one at the temple feels anything except me… And I am tired of being the only one who feels…” Why was I speaking to her so openly, it had to be a trick, right? I shook my head.

“Feeling… They are always telling you to search your feelings, aren’t they? And at the same time you are supposed to keep them in check,” she was so graceful when she spoke, she walked forward, and I lowered my swords, “A bit ironic, yes?” She placed one hand on my shoulder.

“Yes, but…” I tried to pull away… “Stop it!” I said, “Stop it!” She held me firmly in place though…

“You have not made up your mind to be a jedi yet, have you?” She whispered in my ear.

I shook my head, “Yes! I’m a Jedi Knight. I was raised to be a jedi since I was three, I know no other way…”

She held firmly on my shoulder and walked around to the front of me, she knelt before me, looking up, “What is it that Yoda always use to tell me? ‘I sense great confusion in you.’” She paused and smiled, stop listening to her! “Since then I have found my place… You’re not sure of your place, are you?”

“Stop it! Stop it!” She was making sense… Master Yoda had told me so many times, ‘Confused you seem, young Jedi.’ No. No. No. I couldn’t listen to her any longer…

“Shutup!” I screeched as I tried to back away from her. But holding my ankle, I couldn’t get away, as if I was paralyzed.

“If you find me so offensive,” she said releasing my ankle, and when she did I saw so much clearer, “Then strike me down. But you won’t do it. Because I understand you more than you think… And the Jedi have more of a hold on you than you think. You don’t strike me down because I have given you no reason. If you want to enter a new world, you will kill me.” She took several steps back.

“What hold?!” I yelled at her, “If you don’t think I’ll kill you, then why are you backing off? Do you fear death? Come on Nepharia. If I am right about you. Where is your saber?”

“I have a saber. But as I said, I did not come here to pick a fight… Is that what you are looking for? A fight?”

I couldn’t stop thinking. My mind was running a mile a minute. I needed answers. But… But… “What did you do to me?” I asked holding my temples…

“I did nothing but tell you the truth,” she said looking at me seriously, “Truth to some… You must figure out what is your truth.”

“When you touched me…” I said, “What did you do when you touched me?!” I felt secure, almost like she was my mother telling me everything would be okay.

“Your life is in your own hands… What you choose to do with it is yours. You must decide what is right and quit letting others tell you what is right… You may be ready… in time…”

I looked at her wanting. Was this my mother in another form? Was she someone who knew me when I was a baby… Nepharia… Darth Nepharia…

“What have you done to me? Who are you really?”

“I have done nothing but reveal the truth to you,” Why does she keep saying that… “My name is Darth Nepharia… You know the form…” She paused reaching out, “I am here, and you are here… As if the force has called us here together… You chose this grove for a reason…It is still your choice…”

I extended my sabers, but they only came out half way… They began to shrink in size, “What have you done?” I asked again, “How do you know me?” There were so many questions, “How did you make me feel safe…when…” I couldn’t finish my sentence.

“Because you came here for a reason… And you still have questions that the jedi cannot answer… or will not answer…” She took another step forward.

I looked at her, watching her, “Stop it…” I said softly, without the force I normally could put behind it.

“Even the Jedi know you must make up your own mind. But you do not seem like you are ready to leave the Jedi ranks just yet… Yet the questions you have, the Jedi do not seem able to answer.”

“Then answer them for me,” I said, “Why am I the only one who allows my emotion to be shown, when everyone else hides it?”

“Because they are afraid… Your emotions are who you are. The Force can help you find them, but the Jedi would have you ‘use’ them for their purpose, but ‘suppress’ them for your own purpose…”

“I never thought about that…” I looked at her, “No… No… You’re wrong…”

“Am I?” She asked walking forward another step.

“They will never call me Darth Inferna again! Stop it!” I had to step away from her, if her mother’s touch was felt again, maybe I couldn’t stop it.

“As I said, it’s your choice…” She turned and was gone in a flash of lightning…

I knelt in the mud as the rain poured down on my head. I looked where she was… So many questions… So many…

(Can there be no redemption for someone such as me,
No there can’t as long as She Does Be.)

If you’ll excuse me… I need to take a dive out into space…

Fists and Punches,
Dar…

No!

Hugs for dead hope, and Kisses of flowing tears,
Erifia Apoc

The Death of My Hope.

He doesn't know it, but I know he saw it all too... Here... Read it here...

I’ve been in the temple a lot recently. Finding no salvation. Searching for some hope. I just couldn’t find it. Not even in my special waterfall. My master wouldn’t speak to me… I couldn’t tell anyone at the temple I had become a sith recently.

I had to eat something… I needed chocolate… No better yet. Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Ice Cream. I stood from my tiny room, and I set the picture of my mother face down against the dresser. I walked through the temple. I arrived at the kitchen…

Not now… I took a step back from the door. He had to be in there now… I peered in, why did it have to be him?

I quietly entered the kitchen. I hung tight to the wall, and I looked at myself. I was wearing lingerie… Oh no… I rushed by, and I opened the freezer. I grabbed the ice cream without saying a word. I looked in the metal of the deep freeze, and saw Obi-Wan.

I sat down across the table from him. I didn’t look up to him. I lifted the lid, and I dug the spoon in. I looked up to him, and looked back down again.

“Can’t ya sleep?” He asked.

“Its been three days,” I said softly, looking up at him.

“Are ya’ll alright?”

“I’ve been better Ben,” I covered my mouth, “I’m sorry,” I apologized quickly and looked down, “I didn’t mean to let it slip.”

That’s why I never speak to him. I always say something stupid.

“Don’t be sorry, If something is bother ya’ll feel free ta talk. I can eat and listen,” he said sipping on his soup.

“I uh…” I stumbled. Speak Erifia! He’s not the same boy you had a crush on.

“Do I make ya’ll nervous for some reason Erifia?”

“No!” I snapped at him, a little too harsh, I began to shove in mouthfuls of ice-cream. I can’t talk with a full mouth afterall.

“This date contest thing with that Darth person is unbelievable, don’t ya think? I should have stopped Kriss from going. He’s a Sith lord from another time,” he said.

“Would you ever go on a date with a sith?” I asked softly, my stomach turning, what a stupid question! Now he’s going to now. Just keep it a secret, but I can’t even do that.

He had a funny look. He was a Jedi Master. Somehow I knew his answer.

“Jedi don’t date, Erifia,” he rubbed his chin, “And I don’t personally know any sith women.”

There was this feeling that came over me. It turned everything around. It tingled all over, but it wasn’t a good tingle. It made me want to vomit. I felt as though everything in my being had been crushed, and sweat beaded on my brow as my body leaned back in the chair.

“Of course,” I said in a detached voice.

“Why do ya’ ask?” he replied.

“Small talk,” I said ever softly, Because I have the hugest crush on you, and for a gameshow I had to become a sith.

“Ya know, ya shouldn’t walk around half dressed in the temple.”

“Does it not please you?” I asked softly and then realized what I had said, I buried my face in the crook of my elbow. No… Can’t I just shut-up.

He dropped the spoon and it made a clinging noise, “Scuse me?”

“I mean.” I said muffled through my elbow, “I am wearing more than what I normally wear…” I am done… Let me just curl up and die.

“Put this thing on ‘fore someone else sees ya’ll,” he said giving me his cloak.

“Are you ashamed of my body?” I asked, sounding more like my old self.

“Excuse me? It’s not my place to be ashamed of ya’ll’s body, or even look at it for that matter. Put the robe on!” he snapped at me.

I hung my head low. I began to poke at the ice cream. No. I wasn’t going to be submissive anymore. I threw the robe on the ground.

“No. I am not. Why is it okay for you to not wear a robe, and why must I? Do you want me to be a shy quiet girl who listens to everything you say?!” I let out with haste and emotion.

“I am Master, and usually knights listen to what Master’s have to say. I don’t have to wear a robe, true, but I don’t end up in the kitchen have neked either. Its disrespectful to yerself and others,” he snapped.

“Oh how far you’ve fallen…” I said softly, “Am I the only one around here who feels anything?”

I had to do something… I had to. Had he really forgotten everything… Forgotten what it was like to be a child and feel? I walked up to him, and I kissed his lips. I felt emotion, but I was unsure of whether he did. If it got me kicked out of the temple, then no big. It was worth it. He has to feel… He has too.

“Erifia!” He yelled, “What had gotten in to ya? Ya can’t go around kissing people!”

“I wanted you to be my first real kiss,” I said softly, “I wanted you to feel… But it’s too late for you… Forgive me for giving you any distress.”

He stood there unsure of what to do next, “I am flattered that ya feel this way. Ya’ll know the code, Erifia. These things are forbidden. And even if they were no, ya are like a sister to me. Ya must clear these thoughts from ya’ll mind.”

Tears began to form in my eyes, “But I am a sister you can’t care for,” I said, “Because of the code. Why do you care what happens to Kriss? Because you care about Kriss. For someone who is not supposed to feel any emotion, you’ve sure got a lot of it flowing through your head. Did you know modesty is an emotion? So you can preach to me about the code. But at least I let people know I don’t follow it. I don’t try to keep it hidden.”

I was crying now, from frustration, anger and sadness, “But the Obi-Wan who always made Aayla stop beating on me, the Obi-Wan who told me everything would be okay. The One who would let me come to his room and cry late at night. Is dead,” I spat at him, “So next time I kiss you, think about how long I’ve cared for you this way, and try to feel something.”

I threw the ice cream into the freezer and the spoon into the sink, “If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go cry myself to sleep tonight, because I still feel sadness when someone I love dies!”

“Erifia, I do care what happens to ya’ll! I’m not without feelings. Just not the feelings you want. I’m sorry, but that can’t happen. This behavior will get ya kicked out da’ order. I don’t want to see that happen. Ya’ll forget I am on the counsel,” he paused, “I suggest ya’ll talk to someone.”

“And you are all the more weaker for it,” I said, clenching my fists, “So Ben, when you are an old man, and you realize I am right, and I’m on the other side of the galaxy or dead, you’ll finally realize that all you were wrong, and that I was right!”

“No, I won’t. I’m sorry, but I won’t.”

I tried once more. He had to feel something… He had to feel something. I can’t not try again. I leaned to him, and I brought my lips to his, softly touching them and I pulled back, I looked with hope in my eyes. If he felt nothing, than the worst that could happen is he could kick me out of the order.

He shoved on my shoulder, making me take a step back.

“That’s twice ya’ll have tried, and twice I have refused. Ya’ll have your answer. Don’t do it again.”

I laid my hand on his cheek, “Goodbye Ben. I’ll miss you. You’ll always haunt my dreams.”

I took a step back from him. There is no love for me… The Force won’t see it fit for me… I turned and walked towards the door, I looked over my shoulder, “Goodbye Ben.”

I wanted him to rush after me and grab me, turn me around and kiss me. But I knew it would never happen.

If you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to go mourn the death of someone I cared for more than I care to imagine,

Lost hugs, and emotionless kisses,
Erifia Apoc

My Opinion about some of the Races of the galaxy Part 2

As continued from a few days ago, what I think about the different races of the universe I live in.

Jawas – Interesting little guys. Their eyes, yeah, their eyes, really creep me out. I have to respect them though. I couldn’t live in a desert my entire life. Killer with a slicer and able to disable a droid in one blow like me. They stink though… Real bad…

Kaminoan – Not much I can say about them. I think how clear and almost see through their skin is fascinating to me. I try not to stare. I hate when people stare at my lekkus. So why would I stare at a race because their skin is amazing to look at.

Langorians – I love these guys. They gave me a ship. Some new toys. My tauntaun a translator. Too bad each and every last one of them is dead.

Mirialan – Good people. I happen to like these people a lot. One of my closest friend is a Mirialan. They always struck me as very tribal, almost wookie or ewok esque. Even though they have made some technical advances to put them high above ewoks. Their skin too is interesting. Almost like tattoos. I like tattoos. There is something about them… Not sure how to place it… Something almost rebellious. We get along pretty well.

Mon Calamari – I love your ships. And in my theory of mathematics, if I love your ships, then I love you. So keep building ships!

Sand-People – I like these guys. I will tell you why. Its not because they kill people. Its not because they really can’t speak. Its not because they like to feed from Jawa flesh. Its because I can kill them and not get yelled at. Well Except by them. But what do they know anyway?

Twi'lek – The best race of all. You just can’t beat us. I mean except for the fact that Most all of our men are fat disgusting slobs. Our women are beautiful, graceful, and deadly. Although we in general are very submissive. For you men who like an obedient woman. You know there is nothing quite as beautiful as a female twi’lek in motion. Men stop and stare. But hey. What do I know? I’m just a female twi’lek.

Wookies – I love these guys. If I had to pick a three races to spend all of my time with. It would be humans, mirialans and wookies. If you’ve ever looked at some of my really, really old journal entries, you’ll notice that I hang out with wookies most often. They make me laugh. They have a lot of hair, and I’ve little or no hair. They are warm when you hug them. They giggle if you poke their tummy. They can rip a droid’s arms right out. A better match can’t be made in the realm of pure force.

That’s it. Have any requests?

If you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to do much research,

Hugs and Kisses (For Humans, Wookies, Mirilans, and Twi’leks),
Erifia Apoc

Author’s Note… A brief interruption…



I, The Author of Erifia Apoc, No I’m not Aayla Secura, I’m too cool for that, would like to make note of something. Apart from the many hours I spend doing college and writing, I also have a position at the college radio station. Usually there is a way to listen to the station no matter where you are found here.

http://wcal.cup.edu/live.mov

However. There are some technical difficulties and that is not working. But if by some miracle it happens to work, somewhere around (Thursday, September 07, 2006) 3:00 PM EST I am doing a tribute to a different blogger everyweek. This week it happens to be Captain Jean Luc Picard. In his honor and as a tribute I am playing “The Picard Song – DarkMateria” I will also give on air a link to his blog.



Next Week I will do another blogger with a different tribute song.

Sorry
-The Author

My Opinion about some of the Races of the galaxy

Besalisk – You can’t very well judge an entire race by only one. But Dexter Jettster is a hard act to follow. They are a four armed race… Who are very good with food. Really. I got nothing.

Bothans – My biggest competition. Me and these Mogs (Part Man, Part Dogs, they’re their own best friend) are at odds against everything. See in the republic, when you are spying, when you complete your mission, or get the disk from the enemy compound, or successfully assassinate the man you are after, instead of getting paid hourly, you get paid in bounties… And these guys do everything they can to make sure I don’t get it. I hate them, but that’s not to say I don’t respect them.

Droids – ‘Nough said. Me and these guys have a long history of hating each other. I kill them for glee. I would not think twice about cutting down your translator droid, or even a med droid. These guys are all bad news. Sexless, Emotionless, and Merciless. Oh how I love collecting their mother boards.

Ewok – These little tribal people are like wookies, except smaller, and less hairy. They know how to party, which is very important. They are amazing at Guerrilla Warfare, and some of them are a little Crazier than others. but in general these guys are pretty cool little dudes.

Gamorrean – In the infamous words of Aragorn. “Gentlemen lets hunk some Orc.” These big pig looking guys are pretty strong, but they can scarcely stand up to the raw power of the a light saber. So though I don’t really fear them, those of you whose midi-chlorian count isn’t very high, watch out for these guys.

Geonosian – Some of the biggest allies of the CIS, which therefore makes them some of my worst enemies. When I think about these guys, I want to get a flyswatter out and smash them like their tiny bug counterparts.

Gungan – Annoying! ANNOYING! A-N-N-O-Y-I-N-G! I am not one for the wiping out of an alien race, except droids and genosians, but the next one on my list would be these guys. They drive me up a wall. The sound of their voices make me want to get drunk and pass out. I have to say, Becca’s “I don’t Know.” Gets an 8 on the annoying scale of 1 – 10, but these guys, they get a 50. Just shoot me when they are around.

Humans - I find humans more than fascinating, I find them amazing... I mean seriously. Their will to survive and your adaptability is the most impressive I've ever seen.But they are kind of messy creatures with lots of hair Not as much as Wookies. But I only have eyebrows... And they stink sometimes... But that's not their fault... Well, okay, maybe it is, but the humans I am referring to now, don't stink, and by stink, I mean, smell. But like I said...
They have this soul, this spirit that lets them survive anything… I don’t know how they do it, but I am always impressed.

Hutts – I have met both Jabba and his nephew. I must say, I prefer the latter. Hutts are big fat worm like creatures. They are hard to understand and even harder to compromise with. I think Jabba is impressed with me. His nephew, We’ve only met at a party once, it was a handshake, “Hi I’m Erifia,” “Hi I’m Jaba Fat Boy,” kind of thing. But in general, as with all races, the female is superior to the male in intelligence, looks, and grace.

So there you go, more to be posted next time...

If you'll excuse me, I need to go accidently through Jar-Jar out a window, making him land on a droid and a genosian,

Hugs and Kisses (Except for Droids, Genosians, and Gungans)
Erifia Apoc

Guest Poster - Tatooine the Tauntaun [Topic - Mommy was acting weird]

THE FOLLOWING HAS BEEN TRANSLATED USING THE LANGORIAN UNIVERSAL TRANSLATOR:

My name is me! I have a mommy and an aunt. My aunt doesn't like me too much... My mommy's name is mommy!

Last the night before last my mommy came home really late, and when I went to see her, she couldn't open the thing that opens to come in. She was laughing really hard. It made me happy.

But then she came in...

"'Ello 'aby... Yo'r mommy ish a little buzz'd..."

Was mommy stung by a wookie bee? I rubbed against her leg, and looked up at her. But whenever I rubbed against her leg, she stumbled and fell to the ground. I had hurt my mommy! Then she began to laugh...

"Gentle... Gentle..." she began to laugh more, "aby... 'elp yor mommy to her room."

"Okay Mommy..." I pushed her up using my head.

"Mmm'kay..." she said as she stumbled against the ship walls, and found her door, she opened it, and she went inside... She fell onto her bed, "'aby..."

I ran to my mommy, she was acting weird... she needed me... I put my head over the bed, and I looked at her.

"'aby... yo'r mommmy ish very sired... cansh you make su're she falls asleep mm'kay?"

"Yes mommy," I said as I sat down staring at her, as her eyes began to close.

"Mommy stop being sick," I said to her.

She was tossing and turning all night. She kept speaking to the wall about some nice lady called Nepharia, and Screwdrivers, and Klingon Blood and Captain Picard... And a man named Tak... A man named Jon and a a Hutt... A cyclops who drinks fire-water like a Typhoon.

Mommy was going crazy... I wanted to make sure she was okay. I couldn't leave her. If I did she might leave me...

I laid on the bed next to her, and she hugged me...

"'m mmkay'aby..."

I fell asleep next to her, when I woke the next morning, she sat up. She groaned, and held her head.

"Tatooine... I'll spend the day with you... Just leave your mommy alone for right now..."

Mommy hates me! She wants me to leave her alone. I ran to my room crying. I curled up in the corner, and I put my head on my bubblebubkin. He makes me smile when I'm sad...



That's when Mommy came into the room and sat down on the floor.

"Honey..."

"You hate me!" I said.

"No Tatooine, I love you... Very much... Your mommy's head hurt her, very bad."

I looked up at my mommy, "Really?"

"Really."

"Really, Really?"

"Really. Really."

I leapt onto my Mommy's lap with my bubblebubkin.

Maybe Mommy didn't hate me.

"My Move Mou Mommy!" My bubblebubkin tasted good.

"I love you Tatooine... Now come on, let's go get breakfast and your mommy some medicine."

"Mmmkay!"

If scuse - us!

TWENTY THREE! I can count to Twenty Three!

Erifia Apoc, Last Gladiator Standing.

You all are never going to believe this. Like. Any readers of my blogs, know that I have been on LGS for awhile now and I've got wonderful news. Just now... Right before I am making this entry......

I WON!!!!!!!!!!

I signed up for Last Gladiator Standing.
However. There were some complications with my team.
For my first challenge, I had to kill a droid...I mean Robot.
For my second challenge it was a race... I should pay more attention to all the rules..
For my third challenge, I had to eat at a buffet (Kind of).
Then I got my lovely sidekick, Becca the Magnificant.
(I went on vacation but you already knew that.)
I had to make Fluke Starbucker laugh... Yeah, wasn't going to happen. I'm not funny.
For the next challenge I had to guide people around Hacknor, (Joy.)
I had to face my mirror self. She was very chipper and bright (Brrrrrrrrrr).
Then I commentated on the fight between Shego and Kim with the help of my old professors.
Simon, who hates me (Though I don't care the he does) said I won, very lackluster.
Then I had to clean up after wookies and decapodians, it was easy...
Then I had to become a man... Miserable.
Ouch...My freakin lekkus. I had to wrestle.
Then I had to make one of the hardest decisions ever.
I needed to become a sith.
It was actually kind of fun... (shhh)
Then I had to act as a sith, to win... It was easier than being a jedi.
Dirty Politics... Darn you Henchy.
And by some act of the univers... I WON!!!!!!!!!!

I am so amazed, and stunned... I have to be like a beauty queen, because this is the only time I will ever get to do and say this...

I would like to thank all the players of LGS. Without your votes, I wouldn't have won, and wow... I owe you all so much.

Specifically, I want to thank Jon, because he introduced me to some of my closer friends from LGS. Professor X, and Captain Picard.

I would also like to give a bow to my good friend from my universe, Tak. I am so sorry for voting you out. I had to... I honestly did... One day I hope you'll forgive me, or maybe you'll kill me... I'm not sure what...

I would also like to give a gracious bow to my oppenant Hench.

But I most of all need to thank my manager, Oneida. Without her, I would not have won. So Oneida... This is for you! Hear Hear!

If you'll excuse me, everyone drinks are on me, all night long! I'm Last Gladiator Standing Baby!

Gladiating Hugs, and Gladiating Kisses,
Erifia Apoc, Last Gladiator Standing.