The Newest Hope: Part 5 (Sapphire)

(Read from the New Hope’s Point of View, HERE.)
(Catch up, slow poke, Imperial Scum, Read HERE!)

It couldn’t have been that callous of me? It has been a long, long time, and I realized that sometimes to save lives you actually have to take lives. It was me, it was how I developed into what I am today. In my own thoughts, I can’t lie to myself, I was disappointed that she didn’t want the training I could offer to her, the things I could make clearer for her.

“Wha-? No!” There was a dark realization that happened on the young one, I could see it in her eyes. She was suddenly terrified of me. She backed away from me.

“I’m not going to hurt you,” I said calmly, “You haven’t read much about the old temple, have you? We had to put down threats, specifically ones that could possibly lead to the sith. I can cleanse her mind, but that wasn’t my specialty… I just know some tricks, from my-“ I cut the sentence off, and I passed by Rebecca and The Tauntaun’s rooms, acting as if they weren’t there.

The guest bedroom, on the otherhand, I stopped at, “Feel free to go into every room on the ship except the two I passed by. I will go watch the ship, if you need a short nap, it will be an hour or so before we arrive.”

I turned my back to her, the ultimate form of trust I have shown someone for a very, very long, long time.

-Temporary End Transmission

The Newest Hope: Part 4 (Sapphire)

(Read from the New Hope’s Point of View, HERE.)
(Catch up, slow poke, Imperial Scum, Read HERE!)

“Magna Guard staff.” I responded, “Those things are hard to come by. I had to kill a couple of them to find one that worked after they stopped working. I even had to repair that one.”

“Cool!” She exclaimed as she picked it up and played with it.

It was nice to watch her play, she reminded me so much of myself, I was scared for her. She played about the room, swinging and twirling. After some time of working out, she stopped quite suddenly, and she said, “I never did like using double ended weapons very much.” She said.

“Well, I am a dual-wield saber specialist. In my time, a sith known as Darth Maul was a double ended saber specialist… I’ve seen so many fighting styles, its not even funny. There are more rooms, if you are interested, but I understand why this room attracts you so.”

I took a deep breath, and brushed my lekkus back, throwing them into the air, allowing them to land behind me.

“Darth Maul,” she said, “Oh yeah, he’s the sith that killed Old Ben’s master, wasn’t he? Well to each their own, I suppose.” She stepped away, heading towards the doors, “This room is nice, but I’m sure the others are just as interesting, lead on good jedi,” she laughed.

The next rooms were not as fun, that’s for sure. The next room I lead her to was my own. It was simple, with several pictures on the dresser. I looked at them… I wasn’t… I wasn’t sure I wanted her to see the pictures…

When she entered the room, she immediately shrunk in on herself from the emotion in the room. She tried not to look, knowing I didn’t want her to, but when her eyes fell on my mother’s picture, she stared at her. “That’s your mother, isn’t it? She is stunning. Was she… did she ever dance?”

I sighed, not out of annoyance, but because I was uncomfortable, and I didn’t know any other way to show it, “She was a slave-dancer. My father bought her. My father fell in love with her. She died giving birth to me.” I tried making it sound so simple, but with her, my life would have been so much easier, I love my mother, even though I can’t remember her.

“This really isn’t about me or my mother though, is it?” I asked with experience guiding my question.

She shook her head, then she spoke.

“No. It’s like I said before, there’s a bit of a situation up at the Templethat I think you could help us with.”
She stepped out off my room into the hall, taking charge, just like I do. “I rescued a twi’lek from Tarken the Hutt. I don’t know why, she just seemed to call out to me and I could feel that she was Force sensitive. Her name is Hera and she seemed to be happy in the Temple. She’s good with the Force for only being trained for a few months and I thought everything was going great. But then I went away for a few weeks to train with the Rouges and I had…not a vision of sorts but more of a few of what washappening at that time thing, to Jacen. My twin. He was being attacked but I couldn’t see whom by and when I got back I discovered that it was Hera. I’m the only person that she will let near her and she can only have females in the room with her. She freaks out if there are any men in the same room as her. We don’t know what to do with her. We guess that she might me more trusting of a twi’lek but the only other Jedi twi’lek that we have is in the outer rim and anyway, he’s male.” She sighed heavily, “I don’t know what to do. No one does.”

I placed my hand on my hip, and I looked at her, “Am I to kill her then?”

-Temporary End Transmission

The Newest Hope: Part 3 (Sapphire)

(Read from the New Hope’s Point of View, HERE.)
(Catch up, slow poke, Imperial Scum, Read HERE!)

My ship was large, and I opened it and got it ready. I hadn’t flown it for some time so I had to check all of the bits and pieces. The ship was from Langoria, and it had so many different gadgets, one of which was a beam, that could pick up a ridiculous amount of cargo, bind it in the ship, and then release it.

That was my plan, and I had used it on a ship before, and it worked. I waited on the outside of my ship, sitting on my stairs, with my sniper rifle, sitting right next to me.

She landed her ship, and I simply looked up, “Get anything you may need from your ship, and we’ll get going right away.

She thought the only two things she would need were a saber and a blaster… She is me… She is me in every single way.

She looked around the ship. She was trying to figure it out. I opened the doors, and operated the cargo-hatch, taking her ship into my own. When I exited the small room, I looked at her.

“Give me a second to get it out, and then you and I, we can talk, and I will let you explore this little monstrosity.”

She felt the walls with her hand. It sent shivers up her spine, and then she stated, “You’d best come out of hyperspace a little away from Yavin IV so you don’t scare the pants off everyone in the temple. Jacen will know that is me though. So does this thing have a name?”

“Nope,” I responded, “I just call it the Langorian. Which is ridiculous, because that’s the planet its from. And I will make sure they don’t die from fright. This old girl is quite scary. Looks like a ghost ship because of the rusty coloring…”

I kicked in the hyperthrusters… and I looked at her, “Want to see something neat… How long does it normally take to get to Yavin? Its been so long…”

“But every ship has to have a name!” She claimed, “You are kidding me! This thing came from Langoria?! Wow, It does explain a lot though. Umm… Back to Yavin, about three and a half hours in the falcon, so in a normal ship around four. She looked at me sideways, “But this isn’t a normal ship, it it?”

I laughed, “No, its not a normal ship,” I was beginning to feel like my old self around this girl, because of how alike she was to me, “But its no Falcon. I fought along side the Falcon on the second battle on the Death Star. She’s amazing… So agile… Nimble… Your father is very lucky. This ship, it will make it in two. But, this is a worthless hunk of junk in combat. It can’t maneuver, its got really big guns, and pretty strong shields, but it can’t evade… Sorry. I used to fly CIS Bombers on runs for the GAR,” I responded.

Her mouth was wide open as she stared at me. She was very confused. “You flew on the Death Star assault? Then do you already know Uncle Luke?” She asked me, then she looked around and spoke, “Could I take a look at its engine sometime? If you stick around…” She shut her mouth, and looked out of the window.

“I never met your uncle. That would have thrown off something with him as far as the force is concerned. And if you’d like, you can look at the engine. It’s incomprehendable.”

After the ship was ready in orbit, I hit three buttons, and the engines hummed loudly, then there was a green flash, and it looked like a rainbow as we flew and the star’s light refracted against the movement of the ship on the outside.

“If you’re the type of person I have you pegged for, I’m sure you’ll want to see the armory room first.” With that I stood, and walked towards the room I designated as the armory.

She tripped up on her own feet as I led her through my ship.

When I arrived at the armory I opened the door, in it were my four prized lightsabers. The one I made, and the one my master’s master’s master’s master’s made. The two I got from that stupid pointless thing I did so long ago.

There were weapons the GAR each one with a different story attached. There were Battle Droid’s arms, and all sorts of archaic weapons, including the original Langorian Beam Gun, that became the weapons system for the Death Star.

I had a hand in making it, and I had a hand in unmaking it, I had the plans, and I sent them out into the Rebellion spy lines, and I sat down on the aacklay shell chair I had made, and I let her investigate the room.

She looked around the room, she paused on a Magna Guard Staff, “What is that thing?”

-Temporary End Transmission

The Newest Hope: Part 2 (Sapphire)

(Read from the New Hope’s Point of View, HERE.)
(Catch up, slow poke, Imperial Scum, Read HERE!)

I was nervous… She was a good kid, I would hate to shoot her. I watched for a second longer, as long as she didn’t learn my real name, then I would be okay.

She closed her eyes for a few moments. I watched her. She was so like me. She needs to learn from me before its too late, before she had to kill her own Inferna. Before her Inferna ever was born in her mind.

When she opened my eyes, they looked much older then the girl she was a moment ago. I watched her as she spoke, her response came out as, “I don’t know. I’m guessing you don’t want to go back to the temple, because you never made contact. I don’t know why that is,” A devil with her tongue, with a hint of my old friend, Rebecca, “Perhaps you don’t like the changes Uncle Luke made.”

Anakin’s baby boy. I knew about Padme… Long before most anybody else knew. He found comfort and solace in me. He confided information in me. When he became Vader… I couldn’t put the beam between his eyes when I had the chance…

I loved him when he was Anakin. I couldn’t kill him just because he lost the fight to his Inferna.

“The thing is that we know so little about the Jedi back then, it would be brilliant if you could come back with me, and teach us, Master.”

My eyes widened, she knew who I was, I spun the gun on the table, and both of our glasses went flying, and I swept my foot as hard as I could to her chair, and I leapt over the table with my gun at her throat, finger on the trigger.

“Who told you I was a master?!”

She was scared, and she went for her saber, but stopped, unable to reveal the fact she was a force-user down in the bar. She pushed my barrel away from her. “No-one told me anything, I just assumed.” She spoke with the lack of emotion the old jedi I had.

“You must have been powerful to survive the purge.. Only two others managed it. So… That’s a no, for coming back to the temple then?”

I released her. But my gun moved back to her, I held the gun level, “I will come,” I said, “But if you ever hide your emotion again, I will blow your brains out of your head.” I sat down at the next table, I had to be annoyed, or at least give that air.

“I’m old,” I said, “I’m grumpy, and I’ve had a hard life. My past is my own, but if you would like me to come to the temple. I will come and I will teach with lessons from my past.”

I took a deep breath, and leaned back in the chair…

“Really?” She spoke with confused tones, “Wow… That’s… Brilliant!” She smiled brightly.

She took care of the drinks. I didn’t want her to. She looked at me, “The thing is, at the moment, there’s a bit of a… situation at the temple… I think that you could help us. It’s a long story. I’ll tell you on the way.”

I had to laugh one of the most silvery laughs she had ever heard. I held my hand to my mouth, and I swiped my gun with the other, “There is nothing that I haven’t encountered.”

I looked at her, “You flying?” I didn’t want to laugh at her again, but I knew I would if she said she was… My ship would be much, much faster. With the upgrades on my second trip back to Langoria… It would be a much easier trip too.

She nodded in response, “Sure thing. I have a Jedi-Ship docked in the bay. It should fit both of us.”

“I can fly us both out, with your ship in my cargo-bay,” I said to her, “Unless you don’t trust me.”

She looked at me for a second, trying to develop whether she did trust me, she then agreed, “Sure, if your ship can take mine. I’d love to see it!”

“Meet me by the Empty Lot, coordinates, 51-62. I will pick up your ship there, so we have room for the exchange.”

-Temporary End Transmission

The Newest Hope: Part 1 (Sapphire)

(Read from the New Hope’s Point of View, HERE.)

I looked down at my old hands. How tame was I? The Rebellion ended with a couple of blasts. Big Blasts. They forgot about me. That was okay. Bounty Hunting was good enough for me.

The Temple was Flourishing, at least, the new one was. I would never go back. I had heard Luke made changes. I know he hadn’t. There couldn’t have been the changes that I needed to have before I came back.

That was when she walked in. She reminded me of myself. I knew who she was. She was Han’s kid. It always amazed me, how Anakin had actually made Padme Pregnant!

I am getting old… The force is beginning to falter, and my age was finally starting to show, I looked at felt around forty five. But sixty was my true age. I stopped counting. No reason to.

I had heard from a pair of easily swayed men, that she was looking for me. I made it easier for her to find me. I chose a mainstream club. I wore my dark cloak to cover my lekkus, but my Sniper Rifle sat on the table in plain sight.

I took a sip of my drink, and I looked at her, my eyes under the dark cloak. I could sense myself in her. Strong, Cunning, Different.

I closed my eyes. I opened them again, and I used illusion to make them glow slightly. I wanted her attention now. I would have it.

She met my eyes. She seemed frightened. She reached out with the force, and tried to read me. I let her. I didn’t mind her knowing about me. If I wanted at any moment I could go invisible and leave.

“A favorite?” She asked motioning towards My Sniper Rifle.

“Depends;” I responded, “I’ve had it since I was eleven. Old GAR Training.”

I whistled at the bar keep, and I spoke in Wookie. He brought over two drinks. One was a light martini, the second was a double shot. I pushed the martini to her, “On me. I’ve heard of you,” was my next response.

She spoke as she took a sip and covered her surprise. I am sure she knew about the GAR she had to. I don’t know everything that goes on now-a-days, but I know that most people had heard of the GAR.

She looked up to me, and spoke, “I guess my parent’s reputation follows me around a bit. But you, you have a reputation, but no name to go with it. Rumor has it that GAR training wasn’t the only type you had…”

Straight and too the point. She was more like me when I was younger then I would like to admit. If she pulled a Saber and decided to ask questions with that, then I knew she was me.

“No, I heard of some of the things you’ve done,” I responded coolly, “But I will admit, they have a large shadow that is hard to get out of.”

I avoided her statement about the training, I wanted to make sure I could trust her yet. I wasn’t sure I wanted her to know I was alive at the time the temple flourished before this new temple.

“So,” she said, “You’ve heard of me, and you know my name. But I still don’t know yours.” She took another drink, and she fiddled with her drink.

“As of now, you can call me Leuba Sapphire,” I said. It was my name. I wasn’t Erifia Apoc for a long time. I won’t be Erifia Apoc for a long time, “I am sure you’ve heard something of me. Somewhere. Even if it is just a whisper.”

I took a swig of my drink, and I pulled my hood back, revealing my three lekkus.

Jaina gasped when she saw my lekku, “It is you,” she breathed in barely a whisper, “Then its true… You are a jedi.”

She stared at me. I felt uncomfortable. First, I was very confused as to how she knew I was a Jedi. Secondly, she stared at me as if I was a superstar, and I wasn’t used be being known. Not for a long, long time.

I raised my eyebrow, “Now that you know,” I stated, “What are you going to do to me?”

-Temporary End Transmission

Questions from you: Last Set

Thanks for your questions! The last set is answered here. From now on, I will be answering a question a week, Every Thursday. So send them in Wednesday nights, and I will answer them!

- - - -

Hey kiddies, this one comes from Little Ani Skywalker, and I only thought it appropriate it go to Padawan Erifia, l’Ani asks, “Can I touch your Liuuks thingys?”



Oh, you must mean my lekkus, an- You mean my lekkus! You little pervert!

I should come over there and tell your mother what you asked to do. Go wash your mouth out with soap, and wash your hands.

Touching my lekkus is like sexual harassment. Why even ask that?

You’re a sick, sick little kid.

They are my lekkus, and you can’t touch them. Get away from me, you icky little boy.

The Saiyan Prince wants to go for round two with Inferna, let’s find out what he has, “Do you think I should be intimidated after your last little crying fit in Erifia’s brain?”



Oh shutup, “Sunshine Prince.” Why don’t you get trapped inside of Goku’s brain, and have him knock you into a state of powerlessness, and let’s see how much you plead and beg.

You would. Trust me. When you sit there and watch the same thing and hear the same thing over and over, you get tired of it, “Wah: I have a traumatic backstory.” Or “I hate Aayla Secura.” Or “I killed a droid.” Or “I won LGS.” Or “Did I feed Tatooine.”

You’d get really freaking tired of it too, and trust me, its like watching Teletubbies for ten hours straight. You want to stab yourself in the head.

You’d cry too after ten hours of teletubbies and only a man trying to cover up his insecurity wouldn’t admit he would cry after ten hours of Teletubbies. So BACK OFF MY CASE!

And try to tell me you wouldn’t… Sunshine Boy.

Lovely. This one comes from Wolverine and it goes to me, “Author: Have ya got a pocket dimension in that Fro?”



Good question: No.

See, my fro is actually more like a bag of holding then a pocket dimension. But it does have the air of a pocket dimension.

Like, if you need a place to crash, you are pretty cool, you want to come sleep in my fro for a night? You have to promise to pick up your beer cans. Last time I let someone crash who drank, I tried to throw a grenade and a beer can came out…

Embarrassing.


This one comes from- No… No… NO! It can’t be… Please… Its from “Blue Eyes”. Folks this is bad news… Real bad… The worse news… She states, “Hey baby. Remember me? Stupid question, you can’t even remember our anniversary. (It was last week, by the way). I hope you realize that I do read this blog. I know all about the flirting that you do. Well you know what; I have found my own little blog. That’s right, and there is nothing you can do about it. Oh, and when you finally do decide to come back home, the big pile in the front lawn is yours. Don’t even bother coming in because the only thing that will be keeping you warm at night will be the grass“



Baby: Honey: Sweetie: Would I lie to you? I was busy, I had to save the world. I had to write a blog entry. I needed to change the oil in my fro. I was out with the guys. I was…

Baby… Come on. Look at me. It’s me… Smile… I’m your little Author. Come on…

I was busy… Darnet.

Don’t go on about the Blog again. Please… We both know you would just get one to complain about me… Am I really that bad?

I know I am a bad man, but I am always (almost always) there for you. That time you called me, I was fighting an alligator in the everglades. The second time I was chasing a boat on the high seas. The third time I was in France fighting off a terrorist cult of snail eaters. The other times I didn’t answer because there were equally impressive stories.

And why do you always put the pile on the lawn… Come on! That’s so old, you should burn it all.

Crap: No…

Don’t make me sleep outside, I’m sorry about our anniversary, I sent flowers with a droid, but Erifia killed him… Seriously.

Come on… I love you! Don’t you remember the wonderful dinner we had out- What about that one movie we- What can I do to make it up to you?

You want me to write you a poem?

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I’m so sorry,
That I had the flu.

That’s terrible. You’ve got me so flusterated (frusterated + flustered) my poetry and grammar is off. I need you… I need you a lot more then you need me… I always bring you flowers from other worlds… I will try and stay at home more often…

Sometimes I have to run from evil men… And I don’t want you in danger.

Honey… Baby… Sweetie… Please… I’ll… I’ll cut my fro…

No… I’ll dress in different clothes….

No…

I’ll… I’ll… I’ll make a public apology in the blogoverse, and admit that I am a terrible boyfriend…

“I, Erifia’s Author, am a terrible boyfriend, and I hereby apologize to the great, sweet, amazing Blue Eyes.”



Please… Pretty Please… Blue… Come on…

Darnet… I need to get home…

- - - - -

Thanks for all your questions. It was fun answering them. You can ask questions on Wednesday nights to be answered Thursdays… These can be addressed to:

Erifia Apoc
Padawan Erifia Apoc
Leuba Sapphire (Rebellion Erifia)
Darth Inferna
Tatooine the Tauntaun
Becca the Magnificant
Orange Palps (Emperor Palpatine)
Aayla Secura
Gerith Gwin (Erifia’s Master)
Wookie Psych
Erifia’s Author
Blue Eyes (Author’s Girl)

Send those questions, on WEDNESDAY Nights to erifiaapoc@gmail.com

-Author out!

Questions from You: Set 5

Thanks for your questions! The Fifth set is answered here. Want to ask another question, or ask a first question, ask here: erifiaapoc@gmail.com

- - - - -

Hey Kiddies, this one comes from Vos, and it is addressed to me, “Hey Author: Why did you make Apoc look like Secura, my former padawan? Is it because you wanted me for a master?”



Okay it goes down like this, Vos. You notice the simularities between Erifia and Aayla? Congrats. They are both twi’leks.

But, there are more subtle differnces. Like three lekkus, her profession in the jedi order.

And I do not want you for a master.

Now if you ask me professionally, from author to author, the answer changes. When I first started blogging, Aayla Secura was my favorite, and I wanted to write as her, but there were two others, so using a clever slip from my brother’s (Crazy Ewok) spelling mistake, I got her last name, Apoc. Then, I used the name of my profile from Star Wars Battlefront 2, an I got my girl.

The picture was the first cool picture of a twi’lek I found.

I also used Padawan Erifia in a game of Star Wars RPG. That helped develop her a character.

Hope that helped… Vos.

This come from two willing combatants: Vegeta and Darth Vader “Can I punch Wookie Psychiatrist?” And “Can I kill him as well?”



Depends on how much you pay me.

And depends on if you can find another Wookie Psychiatrist to replace him.

And another question, this one addressed to… Well its not really addressed to anyone, so we will let Inferna answer because her name is in it, Vegeta asks, “Did you know Some Pharmaceuticals can get rid of your Inferna problem?”



Its Vegeta right?

There are certain things we do not tell Miss Apoc. One of them is that she can get rid of me with medication. So if I was you, “Saying Prince” or “Sunshine Prince” I would just keep quiet about that okay?

And furthermore, the thought that I am actually just a split personality of Erifia Apoc is absurd. How dare you imagine that I am actually a product of Dissociative Identity Disorder.

And if you ever mention the medication to anyone other then me again, I will have to do unspeakable things to keep you quiet.

You’re a “Sunshine Prince” you can use your imagination.

This one goes out from “?” to Leuba Sapphire, he asks, “Did you know the whole war between the Empire the Rebels and everyone was orchestrated by one being....Jar Jar Binks? Yes. His true evil is shocking.”



Actually, I didn’t know that. That’s uncommon information. I knew I should have killed him when I had the chance.

Now are you saying that Jar Jar Binks was the one who caused the empire? If that’s the case then I really should have killed him.

However, if he was the one who started the Rebellion I would kiss him, and put up with “Mesa Jar Jar Binks… Whosa yousa?” For ten minutes.

Wait: So what you are saying is that Jar Jar is actually a master of both sides of the force, and he can use his battle meditation and… No way…

You. Person with the Symbol for a name… Keep talking… I need more info.

- - - -

Hey everyone, thanks for your questions, keep them coming, I will be answering one more set!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-The Author!

Questions from You: Part 4

Thanks for your questions! The Fourth set is answered here. Want to ask another question, or ask a first question, ask here: erifiaapoc@gmail.com

- - - - -

This one is going out to one the least known of all of my characters, the Wookie Psychiatrist, it’s coming from Godfrey Zebulon, it asks, “If you were asked to mediate an argument between Anakin, Dark Jedi Kriss, Yoda, Gar-Gar, Tee and a floating head, how would you mediate this?”



BRrrrrbbbjjj Shhhe ookkk Bubububububububu Shhhheelkkk.

Geeeggghhh skjejjj ahhhhhhhbebebe.

Vvvvvvvvvv!!!

Gvgvgbbbbbbooooooo sjhhehhhhhhhhh Gggggggggggggggggggg!

Fffffffffffffffbbbbbb ggggggooooghhhhhba!

Nnnnnnnnnnn AaAAAAAANNNnnnn Fbbb.

Bududududdududududududu Gah!

Maavfffffb Vy bebe patooie.

BhhhhhhhaaaaazzzPoof. Shjhhhekjjjekjejeeeebbbbbbaaaaaaaaggggggg Maaav.

(Erifia: Hey… Author… He’s speaking Shyriiwook.
Author: What do we do?
Erifia: They can’t understand him. Tell him to speak common.
Author: He’s holding a wookie crossbow… You tell him.
Erifia: Let him keep going…)

Bbbbbbbbfffffvvvvvvvmmmmmmaaaaaa!

Mmmmmmmmmmmmm!

Floating head shjhejhsjshsjhsshshshhhhh!

*The Wookie appears to be done speaking.*

Yeah… I think he said something about shooting them all… Anyway… Here we go, next question is going to… No way… Seriously? Darth Inferna… OH! No wonder, its coming from Darth Catia Ravenstone Who asks, “Why must you always fight Erifia for control? Wouldn’t it be easier to win her trust and then take control of her body?”



Who are you? Look here… You… Leech. Think about this, I am Darth Inferna! I am not someone who you say, “I’m going to trust you.” You just don’t do that with me.

I’m blunt, and I’m boisterous. If I were to make friends with anyone, I would say, “I’m going to stab you in the back.” You don’t have to be subtle. That’s for sissies who can’t physically do anything.

I would rather make Erifia Cry through pain then cry through losing trust in me. How ridiculous. To think someone could trust me…

HA!

Like seriously… I’ll kill anyone. Everyone knows it. Why be subtle when you can be feared? Like, whenever Erifia hears me whisper in her head, she knows some real Bantha Droppings are going down.

I’d rather be a vulture picking at dead flesh, then a leech hiding on someone.

You… You leech and Erifia are the same… That’s sad… You both must die… Yup, that’s it. I’m going to kill you both…

Wait!

NO!

If I kill Erifia, then I kill myself, but since I am a separate entity then Erifia wouldn’t I just attach to another jedi? Or, if I kill Erifia am I just a – Ow… Enough of that…

But I am still going to kill you, Leech.

DESTROY YOU ALL!

Inferna Out!

Crazy as- Did she even answer the question? Anyway… The next one is up on the chopping block is….Blockade Boy Who sends a question to the… Wookie Psychatrist, “It’s a two parter, if that’s okay, #1: What’s your opinion of primal scream therapy? #2: What shampoo do you recommend for my dense, oily back hair?”



Wwwwwwooobbbbaaa!

Vvvvbbvbvbvbvbvbbvbvbvbv Bababababa nnnnnnnnaaaa!

Suuuuuvbbbbbbtptptptp fonfnnnngggg Deeeehheheheheh.

Vvvvbbbbb ffoooofnfonnnnn Aaaadddzzzz…

(Author: Erifia, he’s talking Shy-Wookie again.
Erifia: Shyriiwook.
Author: Whatever… What’s he saying?
Erifia: He said something about it only helping in the most extreme cases of stress and anger otherwise, that it should only be used to intimidate your clients into paying.
Author: Of course. What did he say about shampoo?
Erifia: Look.)


“Bnnnabbbnnn adb Bunnok”

And the last question comes from… I’m humbled… Ladies and Gentleman the last question of this set comes from the "Legendary Grandmaster Yoda" He asks Erifia, “A rumor there is, that related to the founder of Head Tentacles Club For Men you are. True that is?”



Master Yoda… This slander was invented by the one and only Aayla Secura to slander my name. You can’t believe them. It certainly wasn’t my no good low down, pig stealing, daughter abandoning, stupid face, lekku losing, woman mongering, donkey kicking, cow tiping, Roast Beasting Zoom Zoombling, Thing Wongering, Dance Killing, MONKEY EATING, CHANGE COUNTING… Father of mine.

Okay… You caught me Master Yoda… One of my father’s biggest assets is Head Tentacles Club for Men. What he does is clones Lekkus in vats, so that way he can attach them to the loosing lekku’s men. He also has a less known line, and he calls it, “Lekku Enchancement” its basically for Lekku loosing women.

My father could sell you a lekku or two if you were looking for them. I’ll make sure he attaches them for free, or else I’ll make him get his sixth set.

I got your back Master Yoda… Nothing but love.

- - - -

Hey everyone, thanks for your questions, keep them coming, I will be answering them for a couple of weeks. One set every three days.

-The Author!

Questions from You: Part 3

Thanks for your questions! The Third set is answered here. Want to ask another question, or ask a first question, ask here: erifiaapoc@gmail.com

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This is from The Chosen of the Force, An-Dawg in the Hizz-Ouse! To E-to-the-A, “How many times have you tried to kill Obi-Wan? And for Force sake WHY?!”



Good Question: This is a very bad question, dawg. Check it, see back in the old school days, Ob’s and I were learning together. Ob’s was a hottie, back then, with only a mild cheeto obsession.

He was the man dawg. Hot. Strong. I was digging up in his grill. Now, what happened? He had one too many orange death sticks, and boy went crazy-gone in the head, dig?

Boy went walking in two directions, and forgot to tell his legs to move. So Ob’s got big, and I stayed small…

And Thrizzle, my nizzle. I tried to lip-lock thrice.

Cool, Good Answer Erifia… This one comes from The Prof Who has one for Erifia, “How often have you thought fondly about our kiss?”



Well Professor, It was an amazing kiss, and you are a sexy man. Make no mistake. I don’t think often of it because it is a distracting thought, and lately, I’ve been way too busy to think twice about it.

I do however want to state, that it wouldn’t work between you and I, for one reason and one reason only. You can read my mind.

I hate the thought of you reading my personal private thoughts, and I know you are a man of honor, but I just can’t shake the feeling that if we were fighting you would use that to your advantage.

Or, if I was planning a surprise party and you knew I was keeping a secret… Then you would read my mind.

My greatest fear is that you would read the thoughts in my middle lekku.

So though I think fondly of you Prof, and I love going out boozing with you, it just couldn’t work… I hope I don’t hurt you… I don’t want you to feel upset.

Okay, here we go, another one from The Prof Who has one for Becca, he says, “Seriously Bec, how often does she talk about me?”



Professor, I like, I don’t know… But let’s get serious here, you don’t want her. She can’t understand you… I can… I don’t know, like you and I… We could be something Professor.

You know I’m a telepath right? I didn’t get my powers from the X gene… I got it from like… This weird pool I fell into when I was younger. But, when I came out, I could like, read the minds of others by looking into their eyes.

It would be great Xavier…. You don’t mind if, I don’t know, I call you Xavier, right? We could have a perfect relationship… No secrets… It would be just you and I… I don’t know… Reading minds, playing tricks on people… And come on… I am your specie…

I think…

I don’t know! Forget about her Xavier. Come to me…

I can make you forget about her Xavi-

We have to cut Becca off there… She keeps going on, and on, the next one comes from Jedi Phobia heading towards Erifia, “Okay, I gotta ask, why try to outdo Aayla? It’s quite clear you’re so much better than she is. Why prove it?”




Well, before I get into this, thank you for the complement.

AAYLA! I HATE YOU!

See, Pho, back in the day, Aayla used to beat me up… The best place to see these many occurrences is from a list of links I am going to provide right here.

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Okay… Let’s start with, she’s like a little yippy dog, when you pretend to throw a stick she runs head first into a tree. She is a child… You know the kind when you say the sky is blue, they countinuely tell you its Pink, even though they know its blue.

Trying to prove that I am better then her is not a problem. I am… This is no ego-centric actions, nor big headedness. So, to prove it to her, would deflate her ego which is so much bigger then mine.

So… She’s my opposite, she’s brute force and senselessness, and I am calm collected deceit.

We are opposite, but you know the person who uses the Queen as a distraction in a chessboard, can wipe them out with stragety…

Okay… Aayla you suck.

Again…

- - - -

Hey everyone, thanks for your questions, keep them coming, I will be answering them for a couple of weeks. One set every three days.

-The Author!

Questions from you: Set 2

Thanks for your questions! The Second set is answered here. Want to ask another question, or ask a first question, ask here: erifiaapoc@gmail.com

The First Question: Synth-Lin, The Synthetic Lindsay Lohan asks Becca, “You’re called Becca the Magnificent: Who bestowed that title to you? Also, how many sit ups do you do? Cause that stomach of yours is ab-tastic.”



I am indeed called Becca the Magnificent. See my full name is Rebecca Louise Magnificanta. I don’t know about spelling and all that… But notice the name is Magnificant. Which is like, the reason why some of you spelling buffs want to strangle me, for like… My spelling.

But the reason I am called Becca the Magnificant is because back on earth, I got super powers. The ability to read and alter thoughts in someone’s mind if I maintain eye contact. I needed a name to hide my true identity.

I don’t know, I’m not very creative, so I used my last name and first name, and altered them. It worked.

As far as how many sit ups I do? I usually do one hundred every morning and every night. Its like my morning routine.

And thank you Synth, I like being complimented. It I don’t know, makes me feel good inside. If it matters, I wish I had your red hair.

Hope that helped!

The next question is from Jon, Intergalactic Gladiator who is asking the author, “What’s with the hair? Is that natural and is there a lot of maintenance involved with what?”



Well, Jon, I’m glad you asked. See my hair is actually a foot long. It’s the reddish brown color you are so used to seeing. Now what wound up happening, is when I was born, I was born with hair that was six inches long and already in a pony-tail tie included, and I grew older, my hair grew longer.

And longer.

And Longer!

AND LONGER!

Soon it was so long, that Rapunzel came to me, and said that she was going to sue me for copyright infringement. Then, I realized I had to do something. I didn’t know where to turn, so I took a walk-about across America.

I needed to find the perfect hair-style that wouldn’t get me sued. It was then I came across a teasing comb, an uzi, a knife, and a gelatinous ooze. I took the knife and cut my hair to one foot exactly.

Then I used the teasing comb with aid of the gelatinous ooze, I began to tease my hair into the afro. Now, when you use a gelatinous ooze, as a gel instead of the normal hair care products it becomes permanent and it acts like a bag of holding. (Info Dump: Bag of Holding is an object in the D and D world that can hold ridiculous amounts of gear in a minimal space bag.)

So, in answer to your question Jon, I’ve always had cool hair, and no thanks to a gelatinous ooze, I never have to worry about teasing my fro again.

Ps. The Uzi is still somewhere in my hair.

The next question is going to Erifia and its from The Dark Jedi Kriss, who asks, “How many times has Anakin caught you in the bath tub?”



Hey Kriss, well lets see, shall we? Anakin was nine when he discovered girls weren’t icky.

He was ten when he discovered it was fun to pull little twi’lek’s lekkus.

He was twelve when he realized that all girls weren’t icky.

He was fourteen when he discovered that I wasn’t icky.

He was fifteen when he realized that lekkus were more annoying to gently touch then to pull.

He was sixteen when he discovered how to slice into doors.

I’m twenty four now. That’s eight years, right?

Well, lets see, I am only able to take one bath a month, and I have taken one bath a month for every year since I sixteen. Now, that puts me at 8 x 12, which is 96, plus two when I was on vacation is 98.

98 times. Only twice without bubbles. Once I didn’t realize he was there, and he took my towel, washcloth, clothes, and anything else I could use to cover myself. He forgot that I could go invisible, and I was so indignant, I forgot too.

Thank god for you Kriss, you remember that time, right? You let me borrow your cloak. That was when I was nineteen, and still modest. Now I could care less. Also, thanks for upholding the bonds of sisterhood and not blackmailing me with pictures.

The final question comes from The Dark Jedi Kriss, who has a question for the Author, “When I get to earth, are you going to show me that fro up close or what?”



Sure, but not too close, its been known to eat pretty red-heads and keep them there for my use later.

- - - -

Hey everyone, thanks for your questions, keep them coming, I will be answering them for a couple of weeks. One set every three days.

-The Author!